Heavy heart :( Support needed. (Non Newf)

[noblenewf]

I've been struggling lately. Many of you know that I have two large young parrots (still "toddlers"). I also have a cat, Gabe (Newf) and Murphy (high activity Golden). I am recently divorced, have moved out of my home (twice now) and work full time. My ex wasn't able to properly care for any of the pets at the time of our separation/divorce so I happily took on all of the responsibility. I'm a nurse, Type A, over achiever and caretaker (what a shocker, right?! LOL). I have been making it work, although the expense of all of the animals and daily maintenance is often overwhelming. My dogs are my life, and the cat is not much trouble at all. I love my parrots, but for those of you not familiar with parrots...they are very time consuming pets. Daily cage cleaning, food expense (I spend more per month feeding them than myself or the dogs), toy expense (they have to have frequent toys to stimulate them intellectually) and they can be very demanding of time/attention...developing bad behaviors if not tended to. I am one person trying to manage it all- and I rarely have time to myself. I used to have a partner in dividing the workload- but now it's all on me and I'm really feeling like I have nothing left for myself. I am heartbroken over this but I am really feeling like I have to consider re-homing my parrots. They are happy and healthy, but I am feeling like they deserve more than I can give- and I'm feeling stressed by the financial implications. My male parrot has recently began loud screaming to get my attention when I'm doing simple daily things like housework or showering, etc. I rarely have a quiet moment to myself! I am feeling extremely defeated and guilty...that I'm struggling to manage it all. I'm feeling very stressed, overwhelmed, tired and like I have no energy to devote to doing things I enjoy...just for me...because of my home responsibilities. I enjoy spending time with all of my animals- but I also want to have time to just relax- especially in light of the recent trauma I've been through. I feel like a terrible "mom" thinking about giving them up...but I wonder if it would be better for all of us involved. Please send any prayers and good thoughts my way as I try to work through some tough decisions. Thanks. :hugs:

 

[OurnewfDarwin]

I can not imagine taking on all of this on my own--the attention required, the cleaning, the noise, the expense, etc. If you truly believe that you can not give them everything they need, I doubt you'd have a hard time finding them a good a deserving home. It is not like there is an overadundance of parrots in our world, you know?

Good luck in making your choice. I imagine it will be a tough one to make.

 

[suse]

Oh Jess. You certainly have not had it easy this past year. You have always done your best and put everything before yourself. You DESERVE quiet time and time to yourself. I don't think you are making a terrible decision AT ALL for thinking about placing your bird babes with someone who has the time and money to care for them. You have to remember that you were not alone when you got them. Situations change and you do what's best for everything involved. NEVER think you are a bad mom. You are a great mom. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Jeannie]

It takes a strong person to admit what they cannot do. Taking on too much is not good for you or the animals. It may be hard to re-home your birds but in the end it may be the best for them especially since you see behavior that is directly related to wanting attention. You need time for you. No one will say you are a bad mom. You've endured more than most people could. I'll pray the decision you make is the riight one and that you feel at peace with you decision.

 

[Windancer]

Jess..take your time, put the word out that they 'may' be available, and see if the perfect home comes along....then make your decision..You might even do it with the understanding that you may want them back someday... I have two greys, and have had other parrotts, so know what you mean. I did place a Blue Front when I moved the last time, I check on him and even go see him every so often...he seems to like his new home. Alot more activity there.

 

[Murphy]

Jess.. you are always the one to be there for everyone else.. No one here is going to judge you.. please don't judge yourself for knowing what you can and can't deal with. You are only one person.. :hugs:

 

[CMDRTED]

I understand, we had (at the same time) besides the dogs, a Green Wing McCaw, A Blue Front Amazon, a Cockatoo, and a Blue & Gold McCaw. We rehomed all but the Blue & Gold due to schedule changes, and the inability to what I call "properly" take care of them. It was a very heard decision, but the right one. They are all living in great homes. Freida passed last summer, she was pretty old, and that is why we kept her. The others were much younger.

We used to make toys for them out of all kinds of stuff, 2 x 4 lumber with a screw eye, boxes, all kinds of stuff that birds like. We would add recycled bird toys with junk. Make our own. Was a lot of fun, and saved money. Something to consider.

 

[BTA2M2]

I don't know you, but do have to say that just by coming here to vent is proof that you are still hanging on! Tomorrow is a new day. It may be tough, it may be a breeze, but not matter what, you have ears that will listen & people to lean on. I'm here in MI if you ever need to go for a cup of coffee. Only you can make the right decision for YOU, so don't rush and do what YOU feel is right.

 

[Sheila B.]

Jess, you are making such a tough decision and as mentioned by others , situations do change so please don't beat yourself up over this. No guilt, just decide. Once upon a time (about 10 yrs ago) my work schedule prevented me from working with my horse. I stopped working with my trainer because I had no time during the week to practice. Then I looked at my girl standing in her pen and thought, how unfair I was being to her. She needed to get out and move. She needed the attention I didn't have the time or energy to give her. Once the decision was made, and that was the hardest part for me, I found a wonderful home with a 4-H family. She's still there and it was a win-win. No one can decide for you what to do, but if you decide to place them, it can be a good thing for everyone. And if you decide to keep them awhile longer, that's fine too. Be kind to yourself, you have done nothing wrong.

 

[Henrys Mom]

You really do have to take care of yourself first. Life throws things at us and sometimes it's more than we can bear. It seems as though you have done a lot of soul searching. Follow your gut and do what is right for you. No one will judge you. We are all here for you to lean on!!:hugs:

 

[Bella and Gabe]

Jess..take your time, put the word out that they 'may' be available, and see if the perfect home comes along....then make your decision..You might even do it with the understanding that you may want them back someday... I have two greys, and have had other parrotts, so know what you mean. I did place a Blue Front when I moved the last time, I check on him and even go see him every so often...he seems to like his new home. Alot more activity there.

Jess, you've been through so much and are such a giving person. Though I've never met you in person, my impression of you has always been that you'd walk on broken glass and over fire for your family, your animals, your friends...every living thing you love. You must do what your heart tells you is right. I think that Windancer has made a good suggestion.

Follow your heart...even when it is breaking but you feel it is right.

 

[ward_hill]

Jess, you've been through so much and are such a giving person. Though I've never met you in person, my impression of you has always been that you'd walk on broken glass and over fire for your family, your animals, your friends...every living thing you love. You must do what your heart tells you is right. I think that Windancer has made a good suggestion.

Follow your heart...even when it is breaking but you feel it is right.

what they said ... plus, you've tried your best to make lemonade from lemons and done so with civility, grace, and strength of spirit. I'm sure that you'll find a solution that is best for all. as an underachiever, I don't know how you do it! ;-) hang in there ...

 

[mrs big dogs]

I will be praying for you so your life gets less stressful and you can start to enjoy it once again

 

[R Taft]

I find it quite unbelievable that you have managed them all for so long by yourself and still working full time too............I know that when Mike had his back trouble and I had our farm by myself, I felt overwhelmed, but I knew that an end would come to that and it kept me going. I am sure there are some bird loving people out there who would enrich their lives with your Parrots and give them a great life and return some of yours. As hard as it would be, their behaviour patterns and psychology is so different from dogs and even cats. They will cope better, even changing owners. they are more selfish and thus will manage once a good home is found. you will still miss them however, because i know how attached you are to them, which will be sad for you. But you will have more time for you and the others.........Especially you. So I will think of you and send you positive thoughts. Take care :hugs: Ronnie

 

[Newfs Forever]

Jess,

Please do not stress! You are doing the best you can, and if you feel you need to rehome the birds, then do so. That is the kindest thing you can do for an animal/s.

You have to maintain your health to take care of yourself and the others.

Sending many good thoughts and prayers your way!

 

[BoundlessNewfs]

((HUGS)) See what tomorrow brings. Ask around, too. There may be somebody who LOVES birds, but can't have one right now, and that person may be willing to come spend time with the birds to learn more about them and "try out" bird ownership. Maybe a bird-share arrangement? (OK, it's pretty late for me and my brain is foggy, but it sounds like a good idea.)

 

[graybird]

Jess, others have had such wise words, I can't offer much more except sympathy. We have a 20 year old grey that we've had since he was a baby, and even with two of us (and two teens in a pinch ) he's still a very needy guy. Add in the Newf, the mutt, the cockatiel, the guinea pig and the house bunny, toss in the koi pond and it keeps me busy, as I do all the caretaking. I can't imagine working full time on top of it -- you have my undying admiration!

We have thought about relocating our grey at times, as he's a feather picker and I'm not convinced he's in the most optimal situation here, but the relocation/rescue organizations around here are not exactly supportive, and we figure he's better in a situation he knows, where we can control the things that freak him out. I've found it helpful and calming to visit some parrot forums when I'm having a particularly hard time with him, too; maybe it's the commiseration factor, but it still helps.

Keep in mind that your parrot buddies also have each other, which would help them through a relocation. If you are interested in making your own toys, here are a couple of websites for parts: http://www.cabirdnerds.com/ and http://www.birdtoypart.com/ and there are more if you Google bird toy parts. As you undoubtedly already know :crazy:, common household items are also popular; I just "unintentionally recycled" a pair of flip-flops into parrot toys, and boy was that a hit! Don't beat yourself up over this, just take your time and listen to your heart. :hugs:

 

[Tinina67]

:hugs:Big hugs for you! I know exactly how you feel and what a big decision it is.

 

[victoria1140]

big hugs, have you considered asking around to see if anyone could help you who likes birds but cant keep one.

whatever your decision I know you wont take it lightly but you do need some time to yourself too otherwise you will burn out

 

[Brainwashed by Newfs]

Hugs and healing thoughts to you - I trust you to make the best choice for you and your birds and by giving your self time to decide you will make the right one. You must also take care of yourself !