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I decided to clean the carpet in the hall today. (As in shampoo it) First of all, I go over it with warm water with some bicarbonate of soda to kill the previous shampoo suds that might not have come out from the last time, and to get rid of the odour from the newfs. Tomorrow after it's dry and...

There were two nuns.. One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL) . It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half...

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed. As soon as he walked through the door...

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the Flower and Jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other...

Today Breeze was supposed to go in to have her eye, that is affected by glaucoma, removed. The operation was delayed until this Friday because when I gave her a final groom late last night, I lifted her tail and their was some blood seeping out of her back passage. I cleaned it up, waited a few...

Breeze (the black newfie)woke up last Sunday morning with her right eye cloudy, she wasn't in any discomfort, so I watched her all day with the intention of calling the vet first thing Monday morning. Meantime I phoned a few friends with newfs of similar age (she's 11) and some of their dogs had...

As some of you know I'm a volunteer befriender. What we do is, we get trained for 10 weeks, in the evening or weekends.Then we have a police check done on us to make sure were not serial axe killers or anything like that! Our supervisor matches us with someone as close as is possible, to suit...

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet? A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe! ----------- A couple is lying in bed. The man says...

A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move." "Oh"...

John went in to the Royal Infirmary in Glasgow on Monday, had some blood tests done and they got his medical history. Tuesday he was taken to theatre for the dye through his system and the great news is, that there is a very slight narrowing of the artery at his knee,but it isn't as bad as even...

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But, all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic....And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for...

A redneck was stopped by a game warden in East Texas recently with two ice chests full of fish. He was leaving a cove well-known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?" "Naw, sir", replied the redneck. "I ain't got none of them there licenses...

Einstein's birthday is 14 March 1879. He would have been 128 years old. Few people remember that the Nobel Prize winner married his cousin, Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage dissolved in 1919. He stated that he was attracted to Elsa because she was well endowed, and postulated that if...

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the...

And the good news is, that the cardiovascular surgeon checked Johns legs today. The pulse on the right leg is weaker than on the left, they are going to take him into the hospital, in 2 or 3 weeks and put some dye into his body to find out exactly where the arteries are narrowing. The surgeon...

I gave myself a birthday present. I spoke to Ina, I spoke to Ina!!! lol She kindly gave me her telephone number and we had a wee short chat, about her making black bun, (by the way, how did it turn out?) and celebrating ne'er day Scottish style. It was only for a few mins but boy does she sound...

Merry Christmas to us lol!! We have an appointment on 29th January at The Royal Infirmary in Glasgow to see a vascular surgeon. Many, many thanks to the N-Ner, who gave me the link that made me look at the site I had dismissed as not much good. The power of Newf prayer is just amazing, my...

I will seek and find you . . I shall take you to bed and have my way with you I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan. I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop. I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm finished with you. And, when I am...

First of all I have to tell you, I've been offline again, cause my computer got sick! It's been in the 'shop' and is back all fixed, so now I have to try and catch up with all of the postings. Anyway, we were at the doctors yesterday and after a lot of being, very persistent but polite, (He...

A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $32,000 milestone money. And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question...