breeze50uk
New member
We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house.The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.
My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get thecat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, obviously without my knowledge, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."
A few minutes later, I get into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," I said, as the cab drove away. "That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck.Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the backyard!"
The cab driver hit a parked car.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim slipped and fell into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.Edna promptly jumped in, swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now
considered her to be mentally stable.When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news.
The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the
person you love, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is that after you saved him, Jim hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry."
"How soon can I go home?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get thecat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, obviously without my knowledge, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."
A few minutes later, I get into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," I said, as the cab drove away. "That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck.Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the backyard!"
The cab driver hit a parked car.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim slipped and fell into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.Edna promptly jumped in, swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now
considered her to be mentally stable.When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news.
The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the
person you love, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is that after you saved him, Jim hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry."
"How soon can I go home?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
