NKlein
Member
Hi all--I haven't posted on this forum in years. I joined 10 years ago when Byron (pictured in my avatar at age 2) was a puppy. This forum has been very helpful and supportive to me over the years, but after getting a second newf (who is also wonderful!) and having 2 kids, I haven't had time to keep up.
Over the past year or so, I've had repeated "discussions" (sometimes heated arguments) with my husband about Byron. We both consider Byron our "first child". The love I have for him (and Bo) is really no different than the love I have for our human children. Byron is the most wonderful dog and I would truly do anything for him. My husband feels the same way--there are no words for how much we love him.
Byron has been very ill for many years. And as he gets older, his quality of life has gone from bad to intolerable (in my opinion, my husband would likely disagree). This is a rundown of Byron's ailments:
2009 (age 5): we discover a small cyst in Byron's eye while hiking. After seeing several ophthalmologists, we drive up to Canada to see if it can be removed/remedied by a specialist. He feels the procedure is too risky, so we drive home to MA.
2010: Cyst bursts, Byron's retina detaches. We drive to North Carolina to another eye specialist to have the retina re-attached. Repair failed and Byron lost sight in one eye.
In the fall of 2010, Byron very suddenly became paralyzed in his rear legs. After weeks of testing, it was determined that he has Granulomatous Meningoencephalitis (GME), which is an auto-immune disorder that attacks the spinal cord.
2011: Byron was in and out of the hospital for months, paralyzed and on a very high dose of prednisone as well as chemotherapy medications (to keep his immune system suppressed). We nearly lost him twice in critical care due to a chronic bladder infection. We did weekly hydrotherapy appointments to keep the muscles in his rear legs as strong as possible in case he ever went into remission.
2012: Byron developed Cushing's disease from prolonged exposure to high doses of prednisone, so we had to stop GME treatment. Fortunately, Byron had entered remission, so we did not lose him at that point. Unfortunately, he developed a cyst in his other eye and despite our best efforts to save his remaining vision (laser surgery, injections, etc.), he lost sight in both eyes.
2013: GME is still technically in remission because he never had an "attack", however his condition slowly became worse and Byron became incontinent (fecal and urinary). We have to rotate antibiotics as his bladder infection develops a resistance to each medication.
2014: Byron develops a skin condition that his dermatologist is likely due to his hyperthyroidism, but we cannot treat the skin condition medically without disrupting his GME (which would most certainly cause death), so his dermatologist and neurologist agree the Byron's best bet is to live with the skin condition. The skin condition is painful as it has caused his feel to swell and even bleed in places. He was just diagnosed with mites last weekend which is caused by a variety of factors and he is on a new antibiotic that the dermatologist is hoping will help with his skin.
I realize this is a long history, but the point is that he's been very sick for a long time and it continues to get worse. He's blind, incontinent, partially paralyzed and his un-treatable skin condition is at the point where the dermatologist says that when he does walk, it's like "walking on glass". Our plan has always been to keep him as comfortable as possible for as long as possible, but at this point my heart is truly broken for him. He is not a young dog with any hope of recovering. He is an elderly dog with a terminal illness and I believe that he is in a lot of pain.
The level of care for him (in my opinion) is difficult. My husband and I need to bathe him every day. The daily medications aren't so bad, but getting him up, trying to get him to potty, getting him settled, etc. can be tough on me at times. The worst is that I know it will never get better. We've been giving him a daily bath for about a year and a half at this point and since his incontinence is permanent, this will continue until he passes.
The guilt I feel about his quality of life is obviously the most difficult for me. In heated arguments, I've told my husband that I think it is cruel to force him to live like this. I hate pushing for euthanasia for a dog that I love more than anything, but I feel strongly that he doesn't deserve to live like this. My biggest fear is that he will die alone and/or in fear or distress. I want to end his misery and be able to comfort him in his last moments.
My husband feels that as long as Byron has an appetite and isn't in a life-threatening position, we should keep fighting. He often tells me that we wouldn't euthanize our children if they had the same issues, so he's unwilling to euthanize Byron. In heated arguments, he'd told me he thinks I'm "morally corrupt for wanting to kill our dog".
When push comes to shove, we do understand the other's position. We are BOTH trying to do what we think is best for Byron, we just don't see eye to eye about what that is. Obviously I am not going to euthanize our dog without his consent, but each day gets harder for me and the guilt eats at me.
Not sure if this post is just a way for me to vent about a highly emotional issue. Or if I'm looking for advice. Or if anybody has been through anything similar. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here, I just know that I'm having a very tough time and it's having a negative impact on my marriage.
Thanks, all--sorry for the long post!
Over the past year or so, I've had repeated "discussions" (sometimes heated arguments) with my husband about Byron. We both consider Byron our "first child". The love I have for him (and Bo) is really no different than the love I have for our human children. Byron is the most wonderful dog and I would truly do anything for him. My husband feels the same way--there are no words for how much we love him.
Byron has been very ill for many years. And as he gets older, his quality of life has gone from bad to intolerable (in my opinion, my husband would likely disagree). This is a rundown of Byron's ailments:
2009 (age 5): we discover a small cyst in Byron's eye while hiking. After seeing several ophthalmologists, we drive up to Canada to see if it can be removed/remedied by a specialist. He feels the procedure is too risky, so we drive home to MA.
2010: Cyst bursts, Byron's retina detaches. We drive to North Carolina to another eye specialist to have the retina re-attached. Repair failed and Byron lost sight in one eye.
In the fall of 2010, Byron very suddenly became paralyzed in his rear legs. After weeks of testing, it was determined that he has Granulomatous Meningoencephalitis (GME), which is an auto-immune disorder that attacks the spinal cord.
2011: Byron was in and out of the hospital for months, paralyzed and on a very high dose of prednisone as well as chemotherapy medications (to keep his immune system suppressed). We nearly lost him twice in critical care due to a chronic bladder infection. We did weekly hydrotherapy appointments to keep the muscles in his rear legs as strong as possible in case he ever went into remission.
2012: Byron developed Cushing's disease from prolonged exposure to high doses of prednisone, so we had to stop GME treatment. Fortunately, Byron had entered remission, so we did not lose him at that point. Unfortunately, he developed a cyst in his other eye and despite our best efforts to save his remaining vision (laser surgery, injections, etc.), he lost sight in both eyes.
2013: GME is still technically in remission because he never had an "attack", however his condition slowly became worse and Byron became incontinent (fecal and urinary). We have to rotate antibiotics as his bladder infection develops a resistance to each medication.
2014: Byron develops a skin condition that his dermatologist is likely due to his hyperthyroidism, but we cannot treat the skin condition medically without disrupting his GME (which would most certainly cause death), so his dermatologist and neurologist agree the Byron's best bet is to live with the skin condition. The skin condition is painful as it has caused his feel to swell and even bleed in places. He was just diagnosed with mites last weekend which is caused by a variety of factors and he is on a new antibiotic that the dermatologist is hoping will help with his skin.
I realize this is a long history, but the point is that he's been very sick for a long time and it continues to get worse. He's blind, incontinent, partially paralyzed and his un-treatable skin condition is at the point where the dermatologist says that when he does walk, it's like "walking on glass". Our plan has always been to keep him as comfortable as possible for as long as possible, but at this point my heart is truly broken for him. He is not a young dog with any hope of recovering. He is an elderly dog with a terminal illness and I believe that he is in a lot of pain.
The level of care for him (in my opinion) is difficult. My husband and I need to bathe him every day. The daily medications aren't so bad, but getting him up, trying to get him to potty, getting him settled, etc. can be tough on me at times. The worst is that I know it will never get better. We've been giving him a daily bath for about a year and a half at this point and since his incontinence is permanent, this will continue until he passes.
The guilt I feel about his quality of life is obviously the most difficult for me. In heated arguments, I've told my husband that I think it is cruel to force him to live like this. I hate pushing for euthanasia for a dog that I love more than anything, but I feel strongly that he doesn't deserve to live like this. My biggest fear is that he will die alone and/or in fear or distress. I want to end his misery and be able to comfort him in his last moments.
My husband feels that as long as Byron has an appetite and isn't in a life-threatening position, we should keep fighting. He often tells me that we wouldn't euthanize our children if they had the same issues, so he's unwilling to euthanize Byron. In heated arguments, he'd told me he thinks I'm "morally corrupt for wanting to kill our dog".
When push comes to shove, we do understand the other's position. We are BOTH trying to do what we think is best for Byron, we just don't see eye to eye about what that is. Obviously I am not going to euthanize our dog without his consent, but each day gets harder for me and the guilt eats at me.
Not sure if this post is just a way for me to vent about a highly emotional issue. Or if I'm looking for advice. Or if anybody has been through anything similar. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here, I just know that I'm having a very tough time and it's having a negative impact on my marriage.
Thanks, all--sorry for the long post!
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