*beating head against wall*

[NessaM]

Well Emmie Lou - I'm hormonal enough to agree with you, but somewhat glad that I didn't do it - because I just got a private message on the board from someone ELSE, who read my post to the lady and wrote to ask for my advice on training her dog to use potty bells. The original poster is a total lost cause - her dog is a year old, unneutered, and it's the "damned dog's" fault he's marking in the house, and he's got to go. She says she doesn't have time to train him, and she doesn't care. She just wants him out.

But this other chick that just wrote to me? Her I can help. She IS willing to work with her boy. Certainly I can send her some clicker training references and tell her how I trained my guys to target the potty bells...and maybe that's one dog that won't wind up in rescue or a shelter. So I guess it's good I held my tongue. Although your way would have been a lot more satisfying!!!

 

[newfx's2]

This thread made me think of this.

 

[NessaM]

Oh god. It's perfect! Thank you.

 

[TerriW]

Maybe you should post the website and turn us all loose on them.......... :devil:

You know, you CAN change opinions.....it doesn't hurt to post a few pointed remarks. My husband casually mentioned he used to have a shar-pei but his wife took it to the shelter because it was having seizures and they had a baby. I nearly came UNGLUED. (He's lucky I didn't know that BEFORE we married). Said, 'It was HER dog'..... like a dog doesn't bond with the whole family, right? I said, did you not consider what the DOG felt or thought as it was dumped off? Like "what did I do wrong?? Are they coming back?" I told him it was probably put down 48 hours later. I made him feel TERRIBLE, let me tell you.

Now, four years into our marriage he is the most devoted dad to our three dogs. He carries Daisy in his coat on walks so she doesn't get cold. He cooks them 'dog omelets' (eggs with dog food in the middle - bleahhhh). They sleep in bed with us. He is the one who plays with them to make sure they get tired out before bed. He gives Scooter baths when he has 'poopy butt'. I could go on and on.

I think some people just are not raised to think of dogs as feeling, reasoning, thinking creatures. It doesn't hurt to make others consider it from the animal's perspective. In fact, I consider it my JOB to do so. Just as we teach children to be kind and thoughtful and gentle, sometimes we need to re-train others who were raised to view animals / pets as expendable.

Just my .02.

 

[Popcorn]

Well ... Nessa, I hate to be the one that says this, but wait until you actually become a parent before you judge so harshly.

Parenting is the most extreme challenge you will ever face. You cannot know this until you experience it. You can and will come to your personal mental and physical edge, oh, sometimes multiple times a day as a mom to a new little person.

Mark my words. You really can't imagine it.

I put the highest priority on my newfies. I also have two very young kids.

Since i've had my human kids i've seen two old-timer newfies thru their senescence and death. Then, when my youngest baby was one, I adopted two very troubled rescue newfies who, after two years, are now wonderful members of our family. But that's me ... It was never a burden, always a joy, to be with these four newfies as I went thru all the sleepless nights and sometimes endless days with my human babies.

But was insane to combine the two activities, having babies and caring for newfies, a breed that is, in my opinion, delightfully high maintenance. At times hurculean efforts were needed to take care of everyone's needs.

But, I could not have not have known that advance.

These parents that give their family dogs away ... Some of them have no choice. They had no way of knowing how hard parenting is. Add to it any complication, financial stress, illness, baby with special needs ... People go into survival mode. They indeed are no longer a good home for the dog. But you can't blame them because they had no way of ever foreseeing how bloody challenging it can be once you have kids.

I know you will never give up on pooka and nanook when you are a mom. But perhaps you will see how someone could, while still loving that dog but being faced with no choice.

I guess what I am saying, nessa, you are about to enter a whole 'nother universe.

 

[NessaM]

Popcorn, I DO get it. Believe me I do. And my beef wasn't really with the original poster - I totally got that she was stressed out. (Although blaming a year old intact dog for marking in the house is a bit stupid, in my opinion. At least get the dog neutered and give it a chance...aaaaand she already had two kids before bringing home the dog so she clearly knew how hard parenting was, just not how hard being a pet owner was.) My beef was with some of the other people who posted responses to her that were, to me, utterly repulsive. See for yourself.

Original Post:

Ok so this is becoming a major issue. My husband and I decided to buy a dog for the kids almost a year ago now. Obviously this was before I got pregnant and this little one was a suprise LOL. Anyway, we bought a poma-poo. For whatever the reason the dog stilll pisses in my house constantly and has officially ruined my couch with the stains of his urine and the cleaner, I have had to gate off my beautiful dining room because he would not stop pissing of the leg of chair etc etc. I walk into the kitchen and there is pee dripping from the bottom of the dishwasher its gross and I am SOOOOO OVER IT!!!!! Keep in mind that my husband loves this dog to death. He is fighting me tooth and nail that we are not getting rid of him. I try to explain that aside from the fact that the dog is still not house trained I do not feel I will be able to take care of the dog anymore once the baby comes. I will have a 7 year old, 3 year old, and newborn who are going to be needing my attention more than this damn dog. I mean how the hell am I suppose to walk him and all the other crap that comes along with him. I know someone who would be willing to take him and she is a great person who I know would love him and treat him great! What am I supposed to do about my husband though? I don't want to fight with him but he really is not being understanding and I at this point want to just do it behind his back and I know thats wrong!!!! HHHEELLLPPPP!!!!!

I responded with crate training suggestions, umbilical cord training suggestions, potty bell training suggestions, mentioned UTIS and having him checked for illness, and asked if he'd been neutered. A bunch of other people chimed in to, with comments like:

I had to get rid of our dog and now our cat..both to beautiful people . My hubby cries about it all the time but its for the best. Who wants their house to smell like piss and have your kids play on the carpet where they pee. I put my foot down and just did it. Its hard but ..well you know it has to be done.

i had the exact same problem last year. This was my DH's dream dog but He peed all over everything! i would find poop in my kids rooms and he even peed in a bag of diapers! i was so mad and getting sick of this especially since my DH worked on the road, so he was only home on the weekends. Well, one weekend we took a trip to my parents house 3 states away. We get a call while we are gone that our dog got out ( we had somebody watch him) and was in the pound. they got him out of the pound and we paid the fine, blah blah blah. A week later the dog was dead. our vet thinks he got something at the pound and it killed him.

not that i'm happy that the dog died, but it did solve our problem. lol

She LAUGHED!!! Ugh!!! UGH!!! GROSS!!!

Put the stupid dog in your car, drive far away and drop it's ass off. That is IF he won't let you get rid of it in another way. Sounds cruel but if it's messing up your house and pisses on everything. You don't want that when your new baby gets here. Tell your DH the dog got out and ran away.

And then finally the original poster's next comment:

Thank you so much for all the advice. Whether it was nasty or not. Although I do have to say that being nasty was completely not needed but I'm not even going to go there and beef it out with people on the computer! ANYWAY - For those of you who were asking. My dog does stay in the crate while I am working and the second I come home I bring the kids in, take HIM (yes he is a male who is not fixed) directly out of the crate and outside to potty. He pees, poops, runs around for a minute, then comes back in. The other day about an hour after coming in he decided to go over to the couch and lift his leg to piss on it for no reason. Thats why this friggin dog needs to go. I work full time, have 2 kids, am 28 weeks pregnant, and honestly do not have the time or the energy (and honestly dont give a crap) to stand over him every 30 seconds after a year already to make sure he is not going to piss on something. My thing is we tried but its really not working out for me. Also my husband works from 8am to 9pm so every ounce of that dog is on me. I dont have the oppertunity to say he is his responsibility because he is never around. That is why I think he needs to go. I know he is a dog and I would never want to see something bad happen to him. I want to find him a great home with someone who is willing to give him the proper training I guess he needs. That person is no longer me! Thanks again for the comments!!!

 

[ElvisTheNewf]

Is there a "Newfs and New Baby" thread? Maybe there should be.

We don't have kids yet, but I'm very interested in other people's experience with bringing their newborn home to their Big Ones.

Elvis adores kids, but the youngest he's ever been around is a 15 month old that he routinely tries to bring home by herding him to our front door.

 

[NessaM]

Elvis adores kids, but the youngest he's ever been around is a 15 month old that he routinely tries to bring home by herding him to our front door.

Um. That's freaking adorable. :bear:

"Mom! Can I keep him?!"

 

[Pipelineozzy]

Oh my. LOL. I got my first Newf in 1983...second in 84...when I started to show dogs. Son born 85. Bred first bitch at the end of 86...first litter Jan. 87..daughter born June 87. By the time my daughter was born, I had a 2.5 year old son, and four Newfs..one of them only 5 months old. We also had a herd of 60 cows..lol..that needed care. Different world? Yes, it is. Was I tired at times? OF course. And..because of hubby's work schedule..I was on my own A LOT. But you know what? We adapted. It never occurred to me that ANY of them were disposable. Those first two newfs were guardians to my kids..pillows to my kids..you name it..they were THERE for those kids. And...they taught them some really important lessons too. They got old. We had to care for them when they did. And.. They DIED! We GRIEVED. They understood pain, the ache of losing something close to you. That in itself is an invaluable lesson..loving someone and losing them. It taught them that it DOES get better with time. It also taught them..that the lives you take responsibility for ..are not disposable. As adults..one of them has pets. One of them has recognized that current lifestyle does not allow for that kind of committment right now...and has chosen to wait to get one until he is in the right place in his life. My opinion? Using "kids" as an excuse to get rid of pets is about as lame as you can get.

 

[ozzysma]

it is so true what pets can teach children. too bad some of these women are beyond learning what a family pet can teach them also!! you have to wonder how are some of these women going to raise children if they cannot even housebreak a dog?? as nice as blasting a group would be, even helping one person keep a family pet is so worth it!!

 

[KodysGrandma]

Oh Cindy, I am totally in agreement with you. There are cases where someone cannot care for a dog but 99% of people who post those kinds of things are selfish and lazy. You can tell by the way they talk about the dog- dump etc. I hope someday someone dumps them when they really need help. The poor dog can't look after itself.

 

[Lori]

We have a dog that comes to daycare and boards with us A LOT! She has been boarding this past week and the two weeks before that was there every day for daycare! She is a 4 year old standard poodle with the sweetest personality, just wants attention. Several months ago they boarded her with us for 3 weeks straight, saying they were painting and redecorating their house. I managed to paint at my house with two big, black furry newfs and they can't with one dog who barely sheds! And how could she shed, her coat was so matted! I would spend so much time every day trying to pull matts apart on her and brush her.We kept telling them that her coat was in bad shape, but they just didn't seem to care. A few weeks ago, the owner of our place tells us that its been a big secret but this couple just had a baby and thats what all the painting was for. Ok, I'm glad for them but can't they take care of the baby AND the dog, who was there first! And what is their excuse for the horrible coat condition? The woman didn't even carry the baby, they had a surrogate! She had no excuse, in my opinion, for not even brushing the dog. I had two kids and managed to take care of my dogs. The owner of the place I worked finally offered them a free grooming so that the poor dog didn't have to suffer anymore. They did take her up on the offer and the groomer had to SHAVE her down to the skin, that's how bad her coat was! I went and bought her a doggy coat so she wouldn't be so cold. You know, they never brought her in with it on.

Now it seems that she (the mom) has gotten bit on her hand, by another dog, and has stitches. That is the current reason for daycare, and the husband going out of town for the boarding excuse.

I don't understand, if these people can't handle their dog, how the heck are they going to raise a baby!!

 

[sendchocolate]

We didn't have a dog, but we had two cats before we had our first child. You know what? Everyone adapted well. They still got a lot of attention, and never did I say we should get rid of them. When my 1st child was 18 mos, I decided we needed to get a dog, and Tess, a 7 mo old lab/sharpei mix (who looked like a giant Airedale terrier) came to live with us. She was a rescue and a wonderful dog. She was with us until she was almost 13, when she had to be let go because of stomach cancer. Along the way, we had 3 other cats. NEVER has an animal been expendable. I grew up with parents who thought animals were expendable, and a constant parade of them flowed through my house. Currently, we have Poppy, and two cats who have a touch of the feral still (They were rescued as tiny kittens from the park and fed baby bottles/baby food) they are a bit standoffish. One of them pees in my tiled office regularly, and while I curse her, she is, for all practical purposes, part of this family. I wouldn't dump a kid who was difficult, why would I do that to an animal?

Nessa, many of us have been through the pregnancy thing here...you can commiserate or ask questions on the board if it means you stay halfway sane.

 

[NessaM]

I'm really lucky you guys. I think my situation is very different from this woman's, for a lot of reasons. I mean, 1 - my husband is home more often, and way more willing to help with the pets and make them a priority than hers. 2 - I was raised with the words of Antoine de Saint Exupery - "you remain responsible, forever, for that which you have tamed" - my mom made CERTAIN that we understood that pets came first. I got a part in the school play one year, and my mom told me I had to choose between doing the play, and keeping my horse, because I couldn't go to rehearsals AND take care of my pony, and no one was going to do it for me. I kept the pony and gave up the part. No, the newfs are not expendable. Neither are the cats. If/when one of them develops some health issue that causes a problem - we'll work it out. I know I'm going to be frothing-at-the-mouth insane for the first few months after Rhys is born - we'll deal with that too. Sandy's already said he'll step up and walk the dogs first thing in the morning and at night when he gets home from work, so they won't suffer for lack of exercise if I'm a zombie, (I'll be doing the feedings exclusively for the first month at least). He'll make sure they get breakfast so I can stay sleeping if Rhys is still asleep. He's offered to hire our pet sitter to help if necessary - the fuzzy kids are going to be fine.

 

[Popcorn]

Hi Nessa,

Yah, reading the quotes you attached, they're pretty darn heartless. I do stand corrected.

Hell, one of our current Newfies was literally feral (never been around people, terrified, not housebroken) and pooped and peed everywhere for the first six weeks. This is when my daughter was 11 months old. My attitude was more like ... having two kids in diapers was an advantage -- what was a few more puddles and piles a day to clean up?

But the thing is, like you, I had a willing husband who helped me when my adoptees moved in (simultaneously, it was insane). He was at home and took over ALL of the childcare for me. I remember realizing (aside from nursing and co-sleeping) that in the first two weeks of the newf's arrival I spent exactly ONE uninterrupted hour with my baby. The newfs were both so dysfunctional (my other is a big young male with serious adjustment/training issues-- such as chasing, knocking down my kids), I had to devote all my waking hours to the situation. It was a total emergency. I would wake up with knots in my stomach from anxiety about how I was going to do it. I spent the entire time training them.

So it can be done. But I guess, you have to want to. And I had huge support -- my husband has always watched the kids each day while I go out and train, hike with the dogs, bring them to the dog park.

I admit, there were times when I almost gave up in the first six weeks. But the idea of putting them into someone else's car and their feelings of losing their home ... forget it.

And I am so glad I stuck with it. Like everyone else says, these newfies are such an enormous part of my, my husband and my kids' world. We play, talk, hug, dote, laugh with them around the clock.

When I can't console one of my kids, what do I do? Send them to the newfies. It ALWAYS works.

BTW, I did not mean to send such a gloomy report from the otherside about the duress of childrearing. But my point is, if someone has no support, it can be very difficult to manage even one child, let alone multiple kids plus a dog that has issues. There are times, people get in over their heads and don't have the resources/resolve to manage.

But they sure don't have to be so heartless about it.

 

[newflizzie]

Well as someone who also has young kids and dogs - when I found out I was pregnant with my first I had 3 of my own dogs, 2 cats, and 4 foster dogs. We were transferred to another state far away from family and friends when I was 20 weeks. No, I didn't give up my animals, though I did stop fostering. When I had the baby, I did not give them up. Was it hard? You betcha. And the breed I had was heck of a lot more temperamental than a newf (though less physical maintenance). Having been involved with a rescue for a long time, there are definitely families that I feel did what they could or had a real reason for needing to give up a pet. New baby deathly allergic, special needs, etc. But unfortunately those families were in the minority and they tended to be the families that tried everything to make it work first. Rehoming was their very last resort. I get that. Most people who dumped after baby had no legitimate reason and the dog suffered for it - those people I have no use for.

Having a new baby is HARD - you can't explain it until you've been there - but outside of extraordinary circumstances, I don't see any reason you can' keep your pets and kiddos. We are getting a new pup next Saturday (no, I haven't announced it yet), but you would not believe the unending crap I am getting from friends etc - yes, I can handle my kids and 3 dogs - really, we didn't make the decision on a whim thank you. Grrr.

 

[newfx's2]

I've had pets all of my life, and being a new mom wasn't going to stop it. We only had one Lab and a cat, plus alot of birds when I had my daughter. She was a high risk pregnancy and w/o too many details, she was in NICU for 12 days, followed w/ 2 years in Nemours for evaluations. All this time, I not only kept my dog, I added a baby Blue and Gold Macaw that I had to handfeed when she was only 3 mths old, another kitten when she was 5 mths old, and another puppy when she was 11 mths old. The stimulation of the pets was the best therapy ever! At 2 1/2, she was released from the EIP and we continued to add even more pets into our family. Having pets w/ babies can be done and I'm living proof of that.

 

[Emmy985837]

As the now owner of a dumped dog, I have absolutely NO tolerance for people who can't treat a dog with love and great care. Ranger may be crazy, have many issues, but I would never trade him for anything or anybody.

 

[Pipelineozzy]

Quote: So it can be done. But I guess, you have to want to.

That about sums it up.

 

[CMDRTED]

OM FREAKING you know what. I realize at the moment I'm a hideous bundle of overly volatile emotions, but I am genuinely contemplating hurting some people. :banghead:

If you need some help let me know...........................:beatdeadhorse:

Disclaimer: :neener:Not really, but mentally in my head I'm kicking there patootie right now, so I'm sympathsing (heck I can't spell) right now, and it seemed the thing to say...........................I really wouldn't :neener: