Another Newf? Maybe I'm just not ready? :(

[noblenewf]

I know I haven't been around much lately. It's been really difficult for me to visit the forum- the reminders are still just painful since losing my boy in May. I know it takes time to heal...and time does heal. But I'll never forget! Which brings me to my next topic... it's a tough one for me...so please bear with me and be gentle.

I'll recap a little for those of you that maybe don't know my situation. In May I lost my beloved Newf, Gabe, to bloat. It was the most horrifying, terrifying experience of my life. He died on the operating table...and I occasionally still see images of those last moments. It was so devastating...and I don't think I will ever be able to forget. The wonderful memories I have of him are now becoming the ones I remember most often...but I still have occasional flashbacks...and the entire experience was beyond traumatic. I know I'm not the only one who has lost a Newf in this manner...so I'm certainly not asking for pity or sympathy (although all of you were MORE than supportive during it all).

The time has come where I'm getting the itch to bring another Newf into my life. Not immediately...but in the near future. I have lots of options...and I know no other breed will do...but I must be completely honest and share that I am TERRIFIED. Terrified of bloat...terrified of more cruciate injuries...but those I can deal with. I am not sure if I can survive another experience with bloat. I'm not sure if I'm being irrational in thought here...but it's a real fear...and I'm having a hard time overcoming it. Has anyone who's lost a Newf (for any reason...suddenly or not...) ever felt like they are not sure they can endure the pain again? The experience was so horrible for me...and so sudden...and I did everything to prevent it from happening...and it STILL happened. I just don't know if I need more time...or if I'm bonkers...or if my fears are justified. Murphy and I miss our boy...and I'm afraid no other breed of dog will do...

Has anyone ever felt like this?

Thank you in advance to those of you that take the time to reply.

Jess

 

[new_2_newf]

Jess,

althought i've never been in those shoews, and I hope to never be, I think what you are experiencing is pretty normal. Consider it a form of PTST for lack of a better term. Although no other dog will every replace Gabe, if you are feeling it's time to feel a newf at your feet, then you are probably more ready than you think you are for another dog.

How comfortable are you with your vet? Would you be comfortable enough to ask them to teach you how to intubate a dog with bloat? Perhaps armed with a bloat kit and some confidence in your ability to use it you might feel a bit better.

Just remember; You didn't do anything wrong. It was Gabe's time to go. It's not fair, but it was his time and that is often something beyond your control. It also doesn't mean that it will happen again with another dog.

 

[jane]

I can definately understand where your coming fro Jess. I lost my first boy pretty suddenly. Medical issues with my second. Then all the problems with Roger and feeling 2x that I was going to lose him. It's very sressful when such a joyful part of your life suddenly vanishes.

I was devistated when my first boy passed at 2, only 2 weeks after being diagnosed with leukemia. To this day, I can still see him passed, at the vets. It's still a very clear picture in my mind. The difference for me is that I found it impossible to live without what I had. He was my first newf and only lived to 2, but I still missed all that love and joy he brought me. I found it easier to move on by getting my second newf. He didn't replace my first boy, but brought back all that joy!

After Roger's issue's, I have actually accepted that I might lose him sooner. I'm prepared for that.
I know people who have lost numerous newfs suddenly and are unable to cope with it anymore. They say it's too emotional and devistating. I just can't live without them

 

[charlieinnj]

Jess,
First of all....welcome back! You've been missed.

I can totally relate to what you've gone through....to the extent that while I didn't lose a dog to bloat, I did have a dog bloat twice. And, the same dog went through ACL repairs, as well. After losing him to a degenerative neurological disorder, I...like you...wondered if I could ever go through that again. It's not easy......trust me.

And then, the opportunity opened up for us (MUCH sooner that I ever imagined) for us to get a Newfy puppy. His breeder can testify that I expressed all of those concerns to her and that I was SO fearful and SO neurotic about the possibility of it happening again.

Bloat is something that still...to this day...I am so ever mindful of. But to be honest, living with that fear only robs us AND the puppy/dog of enjoying life. So many thing "can" happen....but more often that not, it's often less than our mind puts us through.

Cut yourself a break....you've been through a horrible ordeal but you know what? You made it through it. But don't close your heart off in the mean time.

 

[padkins]

:grouphug: No experience with this, but I am sending you big hugs. :grouphug:

 

[mulenag]

Jess, our losses are very different, but we both lost our babies way too soon. Ross pretty much made the decision for us and let us know we couldn't be Newf-less for long. Just a couple days after Ebony passed I was on the phone with a breeder and talking to her about getting a pup. I was so excited, but yet, the idea of a pup exhausted me. Ebony's illness took a lot out of me physically, emotionally and financially. I knew a pup wasn't the right choice at that time. Even now, I don't feel I'm ready for a pup. But, Ross was grieving so hard we knew he needed another Newf. Ross was my rock, my smile, throughout Ebony's illness and to see him so depressed added even more hurt to Ebony's passing. My heart was still very raw and so was Mark's, but we just knew we needed to open our home and hearts to another Newf. SCNR found us a wonderful heart-mender! And while Ebony is NEVER out of my mind, Phoebe has helped make a very deep hole much more shallow now.
It is tough, and there won't be another Gabe, just like there won't be another Ebony, but your fears are normal. Give yourself the time you need. There will always be a Newf waiting for you when you are ready. Give Murphy extra hugs in the meantime. (((hugs)))

 

[jacqueline]

oh jess , so nice to hear from you . i do know to a certain extent how you feel ,after losing saska last may , i truely did`nt think i would ever get over it , yes he had spondylosis of the spine but a tragic incident made things worse, had it not been for peter maniat , i could not have done the best for him . so memories and flash backs are the norm here too . but the day Aslan walked through the gates , just the look on laylas face made me cry , i don`t know what she saw?? saska ? a newf ? , but she just loved him . me well i cried as there was a newf that needed me , needed the space i have here , the pool to swim , and me well i was the lucky one , giant paw prints across my heart , more joy , more love , more drool , and yes more worry and more heartbreak , but hey jess newfs are worth it . the memories will always be there , at times they make me cry , at times smile , so go for it , i wish you and murphy lots of luck , oh yes and loads of newfy love ,
jacqui,x

 

[Alicia]

Good to hear from you Jess. I don't have the answer for you but I am sure it is normal to be having the feelings you are having. Definitely losing Gabe the way you did would send anyone who cares for their pet as deeply as you did for him into a tailspin of emotions. You might not be completely ready yet but I have the feeling the time is coming soon and what a lucky little pup it will be! Hugs to Murphy.

 

[Cascadians]

Gastropexy

Jess, make it easier on yourself this next time around and have a Newf with it's stomach tacked. Gastropexy. Eliminate this horror from lurking in your mind. It's natural that it haunt you so get rid of it and have peace.

Begin praying now for a rescue that has already had this procedure, or, if you want a puppy, begin saving now for the procedure. You can even start a savings account in its name to get the energy in the ether magnetizing your legitimate need into reality.

" .... Prophylactic surgery
A preventative surgery can be performed to minimize the risk of GDV in high risk patients such as Great Danes, German Shepherds, Blood Hounds, Irish Setters, Irish Wolfhounds, Standard Poodles, and other susceptible breeds. Great Danes are at very high risk and research has shown that one in four Danes will bloat in their lifetime. This surgery is done laparoscopically via two small incisions with the aid of a camera. The surgery can be done as early as 6 months of age (at the time of neutering). This procedure has minimal morbidity, less anesthesia and surgery time, short hospital stay (done as an outpatient surgery), and is less expensive than treating GDV. .... "
http://www.vetsurgerycentral.com/gdv.htm

As you know I am still so freaked out about your loss of Gabe that I will have Orka's stomach tacked the 1st time he's under anesthesia -- even if it's just for his ortho X-rays. I cannot live with the fear and I have not even been through it. So don't feel bad about your fears, just thank the Lord modern medicine provides the solution and take advantage of it.

 

[Bella and Gabe]

Jess, I've been thinking about you and it's so good to see you post. I can certainly understand your concerns and fears and also the need for another Newf. We lost Bella all too soon and it is a time my husband and I cannot get out of our memories, though the good times prevail at the forfront with her. And I must agree with Newf 2 Newf that it is a "sort of" PTSD. I continue to worry about my current Newfs (all of them) but I think the bottom line is, I try very hard not to let the worries interfer with my enjoyment of this special breed.

I've been reading a lot lately breeders advice as well as some very experienced Newf owners about the Prophylactic surgery that Leska mentions. This certainly might be something that you'll want to consider after good long discussions with your breeder/vet and other knowledgable resource people. Certainly it is something worth exploring further.

Keep in touch, please. Sending you big hugs to you and a nose smooch for Murphy. Keep us posted.

Oh...and you're not irrational! Perfectly normal and loving and caring and concerned!

 

[Jager's Mom]

Jess,
I'm so sorry for what you went thru and are going thru.

I truly believe that you will know when the time is right...and as Mulenag said above, there will always be a newf waiting to become a part of your life...

And No, you are not bonkers.

 

[blaue_augen]

I am so sorry this is very difficult for you, Jess. I have not been in your situation, but getting Suki came with it's own set of very real fears for me. And while I can say those fears have not completely faded, they have lessened. And focusing on the here and now and the joy that brings is better than living in the what ifs and possibilities.

I wish you you peace with your decisions.

 

[DAWNMERIE]

I say this with love and tears in my eyes.....We don't really know eachother and I've read your story and can relate, this is just my thoughts and experience......Newf lovers are special souls and yes the fears are all justified and they are very normal but....

Don't live in fear, I did and wasted almost 20 years of not having a newf and it is probably one of my biggest regrets in life. Now being older I wonder how long I'll be able to keep them in my life...why did I waste that time??? Those same fears and images of one of the worst days of my life are still with me today, they didn't go anywhere....I just suppress them, this special Newf love that I share with these two over-powers that fear and those images, sometimes it pulls me in but I hug my two and I know they understand and hug me right back, nothing like that newf hug in the world.

I don't have to tell you cause I think you know but "Live life with love not fear and have no regrets you only get one chance at it" live it to it's fullest and if a newf can make that happen, do it, you'll figure it all out in regards to the timing and if it's a newf but don't let that fear hold you back from love, not ever.

To Add:

and more

 

[YorkvilleNewfie]

That was beautiful Dawn :hugs:

 

[Blacknewfs]

I know exactly what you mean Jess.

I have a lot to say about this, but right now this topic makes me too emotional to even discuss it so I will just say this.....

Very recently I expressed to a friend sentiments very much like those your are expressing. This is what was offered:

“The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief. But the pain of grief is only a shadow when compared with the pain of never risking love.”

(Hilary Stanton Zunin)

 

[Milliejb]

I have to first say I am so sorry that you are feeling this way, but I am so thankful you shared your fears with us in hopes that we will be able to offer some support and maybe even someone else who might not have been able to be so open.
I have never even lost a dog to this horrible condition and even I am scared of it. So your feelings are completely understandable.
I think that the decision to get a new dog is always hard after losing such a special one. I do think though, when the time is right you will be able to put your fear aside and focus that energy on just loving him or her. Sending you lots of hugs and looking forward to your next post that will hopefully have puppy belly pictures

 

[R Taft]

Welcome back Jess......those of us not on FB missed you.

I know how you feel and I can understand the irrational bit too. I have dealt with the irrational fear only this week again........

I lost a beloved newfie at the vets during Surgery, which was totally unexpected to me. Now every time I take a dog to the vet and leave them behind, i get very emotional. It happened again with Tessa this week, when she had her surgery. even though Jessie happened in 1990......It is still there and I think always be there. I just have to wrk through it. Though my new vet is much more understanding and I feel safer when i leave a dog with him. And our recent time there has only strengthened this feeling.

As to bloat, it is always in my mind. And I have never had a dog with bloat in all my years of newfie ownership....But the fear is there, especially since I joined NN. It is about the only true negative I have form NN.

I suppose you could get you future newfies stomach tacked very early on. But it is like loosing our newfies to cancer, we cannot pick the time.

Be there only one thing wrong with dogs, it is that they do not live long enough......

As to the ortho issues......Try to see as many offspring of a particular Breeder as possible. Especially close relatives to the dog and maybe some more history.

Mike bought me a newfie puppy after I lost my first newfie Josh to a terrible accident. I was angry with him and told him i could never replace Josh and i was furious......But he was right, Having Jessie after so much pain from loosing Josh was the most incredible cure for my sadness and feeling of being lost. She did not take Josh's place, but she surely made another very special place in my heart. And now I do take on another newfie when i loose one........Never to replace, just to make another place and some new memories.

I adore my dogs, I am devastated when i loose them, but I cannot live without my big newfies. They have a communication with us, that I have not found in any other breed. And I have had so many other breeds, which i also love, but the connection is different. I cannot explain it

I hope that you will join us more frequently on here Ronnie

 

[Murphy]

This is an emotional subject for sure.
I am not sure how much time I have left with my Murphy but do have to face the fact that he has an incurable disease that is already crippling him, even though his mind and heart are still healthy. I panic and can barely breathe at the thought of life without him.

When that day comes I will continue my work with Newfs via Newf Friends, as it is a passion for me... but cannot see too far beyond that.

I guess no one can really predict what they will feel and what is right for them when hearts are broken over the loss of one of these dear creatures. I guess Jess... you will just know if and when the time is right. I wish I were able to articulate my feelings better but the mind is not in top gear. Hugs Jess..:grouphug:

 

[ardeagold]

Glad to see you posting again Jess.

You know what I think. :hugs:

 

[newfx's2]

I am so sorry for your loss. The pain never fully goes away. I haven't experienced Bloat, but I've lost two way before their time. Having our 3rd Newf, Aurora has really helped us w/ healing. I know another Newf is in our future. We can't live w/o them.

Very recently I expressed to a friend sentiments very much like those your are expressing. This is what was offered:

“The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief. But the pain of grief is only a shadow when compared with the pain of never risking love.”

(Hilary Stanton Zunin)

That is beautiful! I may have to share this. Hope you don't mind.