i am sorry, i just read this. my gal was diagnosed with osteosarcoma of the right leg at age 11. it was so far progressed that there were no treatment options. it was one of the worst days of my life.
her pain became intolerable within days. she wanted nothing more to do with life or us. it will be clear to you. i wasnt ready to let go ,,, this was my newfy soul dog. but it had to be and i made that terrible call to the vet.
i felt i couldnt properly mourn her. i had a small infant. finally, several months later i went to the woods to cry. i actually called out to her ... and suddenly felt a huge energy enter my body, and i felt she was there, if only briefly
it was only much later that i realized 9 months later i gave birth to my second daughter
deep connection
i am very sorry for you and anya, i know hard it is
please excuse typing, using only one hand