Favorite one liners

[Wayne A]

Everyone could use a good laugh.SO WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE(s)????
This should be fun.

eg. All his wires aren't soldered together.

:fce32f95: Lets haves some fun.

 

[Tricia2]

Don't mind her, she's still upset because somebody dropped a house on her sister. ~Otho in Beetlejuice

 

[Leonard and his bud Snuffles]

A machinist that use to work where I did in the Denver area would say, "Times are tough, even the birds are walking."

 

[KodysGrandma]

My Dad's favorite- "One day you build a boat, the next day it sinks".

 

[4ondafloor]

I'll quote my Pops here. This was his reply to anything I tried to debate with him

Yes, and if a frog had wings, he wouldn't bump his ass on the rocks"

Needless to say, I NEVER won.

 

[NewfDad]

Got the happy meal, missing the toy.

Wheel spinning, hamster dead.

CD's in upside down.

 

[lola]

Not the brightest crayon in the box.

Not the sharpest tool in the shed.

Sneaked into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn't looking.

 

[IndysDad]

My dad use to say

If, if, if...... If my Aunt had Bxlls she'd be my uncle!

He didn't have many relatives.

 

[Wayne A]

:groovy::fce32f95::fce32f95::alc:Great stuff. Keep em coming.:alc::fce32f95::fce32f95::groovy:

 

[Tug]

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Not quite the shilling.

Their gene pool needs a shot of chlorine.

Common sense ain't so common!

 

[Wayne A]

If brains were TNT he wouldn't have enough to blow his nose.

The elevator doesn't go all the way to the top.

More than a few bricks short of a load.

 

[NessaM]

My dad had a plethora of horrible, mildly offensive sayings, (I apologize in advance), like:

"My mother drowned the dumb ones."

or...

"If it...f*rnicates...floats or flies, rent, don't buy."

and the one I got all the time, "pretty is as pretty does."

 

[2newfs4now]

...so poor I can't afford the down payment on a free sandwich.
Normal is a setting on a clothes dryer...

 

[redkayak]

The wise man riseth not to terminate his slumber but to pursue his dreams.

Not a funny one but one of my favorites.


Doug

 

[Wayne A]

It's a one liner.Thanks for sharing.I like it.

 

[Tricia2]

Instant gratification isn’t quick enough for me.

A few peas short of a casserole.

So narrow-minded he could look through a keyhole with both eyes at the same time.

He couldn't drive a nail into a snow bank.

He couldn't find his a** with both hands and a map.

He could eat an apple through a picket fence

He only opens his mouth to change feet

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

More hay, Trigger? No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!

You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!

 

[R Taft]

Mine is...............

The mind is like a parachute.............It only works when it is open

 

[BoundlessNewfs]

When something happens to mess up plans, "That sure put a kink in the hose".

"Nothing ventured, nothing gained."

"Waste not, want not".

Not just about playing cards, but for life in general...
"Know when to hold 'em, when to fold 'em...when to walk away..and when to RUN"

 

[Wayne A]

He could sell an ice cube to an Eskimo
Does a Bear sh*t in the woods ?

 

[OhioNewfie]

Sorry guys-

If a man is talking in the woods, and no women is listening, is he still wrong?