We lost our dear friend today... :(

[Newfie in Oz]

Our little boy Ben died suddenly yesterday and we’re extremely distraught. We always knew this awful day would come-he had aortic stenosis-but always hoped and prayed that it wouldn't. I guess what makes it worse is that he wasn't sick at all; I went out for an hour and came back to find that he had probably just died minutes before I returned. What bothers me most is that I hosed him and his sister down to clean them up and cool them down a bit before I left as it was a hot day and they were very dusty at the time. The problem is that he always disliked it, and now, not only am I left with the thought that had I not gone out to do something trivial he might still be alive, but that the last thing he'd remember me doing to him was something he hated. Both of these things make me feel so awful that I can barely even think about it without feeling completely overwhelmed by guilt and remorse.

Which brings me to the real point of this post, his partner Tehya, who he’s been together with since they were a few months old. She seems to be depressed and confused about things. When he died we showed her the body, which she sniffed and lay next to for awhile before we took him to the vet. She seems very depressed at the moment and she seems to be looking for him, in fact, when we took her to the park today and let her off her lead she sprinted back to the car and stared at the back door expecting her partner in crime to come running out. It was one of the saddest, most heartbreaking things I've ever seen. I guess what I want to ask was what should I do with her to help her through this? She's never been alone before, we are planning on getting another dog as soon as we recover, not for us, but for her, but how soon should we do this, can someone please help us out with all this?

[ 12-08-2006, 09:11 PM: Message edited by: Newfie in Oz ]

 

[Erika]

so sorry for your loss.....dont feel guilty,he knows you loved him with all your heart.sending prayers and an angel for your Tehya that she will soon recover from her grief.....hold her near.God Bless and God speed Ben

 

[sarnewfie]

The best thing you can do is take her a lot of places on leash, not off, and work with her and calm her.
take nice walks with her, and, let her sleep in your bedroom at night.
i am so sorry for your loss.

 

[Murphy]

My heart breaks for your loss.. I am so sorry..

 

[Rick]

First, my sincere condolences on your sudden loss of Ben. Many here have been through what you are going through. You are not alone.

When my dog Edgar died a couple of years ago at the age of 13-1/2, I thought our Golden Retriever, Mojo, was going to pine away and die, as Edgar had been her packmate for 12 years. She wouldn't eat, wouldn't play, wouldn't do anything but sleep in Edgars' "spot." Through my own grief, I saw that if we didn't do something, and soon, we would lose her too, and that would have been unthinkable.
Very shortly after Edgar died, we brought Marlowe the Newf Brat into the fold. At first I felt guilt, as though I were somehow dishonoring Edgars memory, but the joy Marlowe brought into the house, and watching Mojo go into puppy training mode, and snap back to life, made those feelings dissipate rather quickly.

Mojo just turned 14, and as I have posted elsewhere, I sincerely believe the secret of her longevity is that she has a job, and that job is keeping our two Newfs (Aengus joined us about a year ago) in line.

Aengus is the house gentleman, Marlowe is still a brat, Mojo is queen of all she surveys, and Edgar has a place of honor in our home, with his collar, favorite chewy, and my favorite pictures of him. All is right with the world.

Whether or not this approach will work in your situation, only you know the answer to that. You WILL make the right choice for you. I hope that many happy memories of Ben flood in to soften the pain and loss you feel right now.

 

[amyk]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine having a dog go so suddenly like that. How hearbreaking. I'm sure it's hard for Tehya as it is for you. Give her time, I'm sure it will get better. Sending prayers!!

 

[Sound Bay Newfs]

So sorry to hear about Ben. Don't feel guilty as his time had come no matter what you did that day. I have also heard somewhere that they wait until their owners are not home to die. Tehya's grief will pass with time, and she has to grieve as your are too. Taking her to the park was a good idea.

 

[pjcarbone]

I'm sitting here typing & crying. There are no words that I can say that will make you feel better or make your hurt go away. He knew that you loved him, and you couldn't have prevented what happened. As soon as you are able get another dog not to replace Ben, but to add to your family, and to give Tehya a companion.

 

[Garden_girl]

My heart aches for you, it is so hard to deal with the loss of a pet. I had to put my dog down early this year and I still think of him nearly every day. I am so sorry about Ben.

Please don't carry that guilt around with you-most dogs live in the moment and probably 5 minutes after his hose-down.. all had been forgotten. Like Erika said-he knows how much you loved him.

Give Tehya lots of activities to do, and give her lots of extra attention. Some experts will tell you to allow yourself time to grieve before adding a pet, but judging from what Rick described, bringing another pup into the house- made a huge difference to Mojo and turned her completely around. I think you'll know when the time comes to add a companion for Tehya AND you. Once again, I am so sorry about Ben.

 

[Newfs Forever]

I am so very very sorry to hear of the loss of Ben. Please accept my sincerest condolences.

And also, please don't chastise yourself for doing chores.

When my first newfie boy left us, my newfie girl Annie was pacing, looking all over for him. It probably took her about 3 weeks to get over the grief. I am sure with a lot of hugs, kisses, nice long walks and attention she'll be fine.

doGspeed Ben!

 

[M & M's Mom Linda]

So sorry for your loss of Ben. As everyone else has said you have no reason to feel guilty. He was so loved.

 

[Charliesmom]

I know how you are feeling right now. I lost my baby Arnold in June and I still cry whenever I think of him. (Which is often). But for us the healing really took place when we got my new baby Charlie. We only waited a couple of weeks before we got Charlie and for us it was the best thing that could have happened. He really helped take my mind off my grieving and I was able to laugh again at his little newfie antics.

Now, Arnold is in my heart, and always will be, but Charlie is the in the present and future, and I am able to think of Arnold and remember all the good things I always loved about him and find peace in it.

Your Ben must have died in his sleep and what a great way to go. No pain. Who knows, he may have been laying there dreaming about you and his pal Tehya and just drifted off.

Tehya will miss him just like you, but she will recover and whenever you do decide to bring in a new dog, she will be ready and happy again to have a pal to romp with. It just takes time.

 

[KS Newf]

I am so sorry about the loss of your dear baby Ben. You mustn't feel badly about going about the business of the day and giving Ben his cooling down. Ben would have worried if you hovered over him and been stressed and unnatural. As it was, his day was normal; he slept, and awakened at the Rainbow Bridge with perfect understanding, a whole sound body and a playful spirit. The advice these wise Newf Netters have written about what to do with Tehya is just right, isn't it? We are with you here and understand. Talk to us often. Tehya is very sad right now, but that is a price we all pay for our love - the risk of loss. She has you, and when the time is right, a new pack mate. You and yours were wonderful for Ben - his angels. His life was far the better for you, and I am sure you lengthened his life with your love. God bless you, Tehya, and all who grieve for Ben with peace. Thank you for trusting us to share.

 

[bridge2itnf@aol.com]

I am so sorry for your great loss.

 

[Sue M.]

I'm so sorry!!

Ditto to what all have said, don't feel guilty.... you couldn't have known and it's not your fault. When it's their time, it's their time.

I hope that your grief subsides soon and you can put it in a proper prospective. That goes for your family and Tehya too!

 

[Susan & Deacon]

I am so sorry, know Ben loved you & will always be in your heart & memories. When I lose a beloved Newf the song by Garth Brooks "The Dance" always comes to mind "I could have missed the pain, but would have had to miss the dance & what a ride it was" Newfoundly, Susan & Deacon "Braveheart's Son Of A Preacheman,CGC,TDI" now Delta training in Jan, to finish his Championship, he's pointed, & to put his water & draft titles on him

 

[blstarke]

Please don't feel guilty; Ben loved you so
I am so sorry about him;Godspeed Ben

 

[Bob M]

You have all our sympathy- it is SO hard, isn't it?

At times like these, the words of Robert Burns come to my mind:

Had we never loved sae kindly,
Had we never loved sae blindly,
Never met - or never parted,
We had ne'er been broken-hearted.

Hang in there- you will never stop missing him, but there will come a time when the memory brings a smile, not a tear.

 

[Brody the Newf]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

[sherrynk]

If your last memory was of your mom doing something FOR you (for your own good) even though she knew you didn't enjoy it, you wouldn't hold it against her. It would remind you that your mom was always taking care of you, giving you what you needed whether you liked the process or not. I can't say I know how dogs think, but I"m sure your baby knew you were loving him. Don't worry--any of the things like cooling/hosing down, or uncomfortable ear cleaning or toe clipping or any of those things would not be the defining moments of your relationship. It would not be the overriding emotions that he would carry with him to the next stage...no matter what the LAST actions were.

Your pup gave to you and you gave to him, and you must honor him by letting the guilt dissipate and replace it with thankfulness that you had him in your life, and knowing that he was happy to be with you, too. He wouldn't want you to feel guilty for taking care of him!

I know you don't know me. I"ve been a member for a while, and mostly I just read the posts and look at the pictures. My Newf girls have been gone for a while now, and I still miss them. I'm writing today because I felt the sting again as I read your post, and I wanted to try to help you in some way.

Bless you all, and I hope you get another Newf soon; your heart will be busy with all the loving and caring for another one, and it won't dwell so much on the loss.