Not sure if I am a nice guy or a sucker

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IndysDad

New member
Two days ago my ex called me mid afternoon. She said she pulled into the driveway and hit a small pot hole and now the car wont move. She said the transmission blew. Its 97 Maxima and I bought it for her a few months ago and this was the first problem with it but it was a big one!

She was near tears telling me about it saying she didn’t know what to do. She cant afford a new car, needs something reliable so she can get to work etc. I said - "Its not a problem, Ill stop by and you can use my car till we figure it out. No big deal. I’m unemployed and I don’t HAVE to go anywhere. You need to get to work." She said ok so I picked her up and she dropped me back at home. On her way home she texted me and said - I think I want an SUV if the Maxima cant be fixed. I like being up higher!

She was driving my 97 Pathfinder, loaded with leather Bose stereo etc. I got a great deal on it when I bought it - has 130k miles on it and runs like a top.

So I gave it some thought and decided to offer it to her. This, my great buy - I paid half or less of Kelly Blue Book, has become one - no probably the best car I have ever bought - knock on wood!

So I sold it to her for what I had into it. At least she has a good reliable vehicle and does not have to worry about it. I loved that car but in the end, she needed it more than me and it was the right thing to do so I did it.

Now I don’t have a car! LOL but my roommate is letting me drive the car when I need to till I find something. So nice huh

Now if Doc or someone can help my with my Nissan tans problem that would be great!!! - I’ll probably just sell it as is. Not sure yet.
 
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SarahZ

New member
Um...if you're taking a poll, I'd have to say...um...sucker.
She is the one living in the house, and now she's got your car too.

Sorry...Ok, you are a NICE guy, and I can understand that you aren't really driving it, and you have kids together and all, but what happened to her boyfriend, the one living in the house with her and your kids?
I've never been married, so it's easy for me to think you are being too nice, but for me, when its over, well, its really really over. But then, I've never been one to manipulate men.
 
Tug

Tug

New member
SarahZ said:
Um...if you're taking a poll, I'd have to say...um...sucker.
She is the one living in the house, and now she's got your car too.

Sorry...Ok, you are a NICE guy, and I can understand that you aren't really driving it, and you have kids together and all, but what happened to her boyfriend, the one living in the house with her and your kids?
I've never been married, so it's easy for me to think you are being too nice, but for me, when its over, well, its really really over. But then, I've never been one to manipulate men.
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Second that. Nice guy who's being sucked dry.
 
4ondafloor

4ondafloor

New member
I'm one who says go with what your heart tells you to do. I won't call you a sucker. That's too judgemental. It's your decision..
 
urneighbour

urneighbour

New member
You sound like a really nice guy. I am not really familiar with your situation, but someone mentioned that you have children together, so I think you are not only nice but wise to see the importance of maintaining a good relationship with the mother of your children. It is a bit "odd" though that she runs to you for help instead of the live-in boyfriend, especially since it doesn't relate directly to the care of the children....but I guess it is obvious that you are a man that is honorable and can be depended upon.
 
suzsmile

suzsmile

New member
You are a really nice guy, one of the few out there! But I do think that she is taking advantage of you. When I was living on my own with the kids, I never went to my ex if something went wrong and things did go wrong. I was a big girl and took care of it myself.
 
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IndysDad

New member
SarahZ said:
Um...if you're taking a poll, I'd have to say...um...sucker.
She is the one living in the house, and now she's got your car too.

Sorry...Ok, you are a NICE guy, and I can understand that you aren't really driving it, and you have kids together and all, but what happened to her boyfriend, the one living in the house with her and your kids?
I've never been married, so it's easy for me to think you are being too nice, but for me, when its over, well, its really really over. But then, I've never been one to manipulate men.
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Yes she is but then again we are loosing the house so she will need to find a place within 6 months. Her BF is pretty much useless in these situations. Seems he does not know much about cars, no job, no income.

Maybe I am too nice. I think so but it was the right thing to do.
 
KodysGrandma

KodysGrandma

New member
Having a pet sitter whose ex is a complete a--hole I have to say I wish YOU were her ex. You are going above and beyond and it is marvelous. I hope your children know who is really looking after them. However, I would caution to be careful not to be sucked into curing all the problems and getting none of the benefits or rewards (like the time with the kids you would have if you were still there). Divorced, (40 years ago) I handled all my own problems or found someone else to help rather than my ex, but then I put 2,000 miles between us too. Actually, part of the problem was that I felt I ALWAYS had to handle the problems so it was nothing new. Continue to do what is best for your kids but don't let her treat you like a husband without supporting you the way you support her- it must be a two way street.

Sounds like the BF may be on his way out- good riddance.
 
Z

zennewf

New member
You can never go wrong w/a kind act. She's the mother of your kids. You and she will always be family. She's really needy right now. You helped her out. By giving her a tall car to ride in, it's also for your kids a gift of safety.

Sure, she'll need to stand on her own two feet, but she seems more wobbly than you right now, so you are giving her a hand. You are not holding a grudge because of your divorce and you don't seem to be having any expectation for reciprocation. That's good.

Liz
 
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IndysDad

New member
zennewf said:
You can never go wrong w/a kind act. She's the mother of your kids. You and she will always be family. She's really needy right now. You helped her out. By giving her a tall car to ride in, it's also for your kids a gift of safety.

Sure, she'll need to stand on her own two feet, but she seems more wobbly than you right now, so you are giving her a hand. You are not holding a grudge because of your divorce and you don't seem to be having any expectation for reciprocation. That's good.

Liz
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Thats exactly how I see it. I would do the same for any of my friends so why not the mother of my kids?
 
ina/puusty

ina/puusty

New member
It is..a great act of compassion..to see and support others..not only when things are going well..but when one has to hitch up the jockys..and give..when it hurts. Over the years..the children who may not understand the actual..magnitude..of what you did now..Will..learn to see the depth of how you responded as a human. They will form their own sets of values..and create their very own 'rating systems'..as they see your life..and their moms life. Right now I'd say when they hit their mid 20s..they are going to be 'strongly'..in sync..with being the person..You are. hugs, ina n HB n Kesa
 
I

IndysDad

New member
ina/puusty said:
It is..a great act of compassion..to see and support others..not only when things are going well..but when one has to hitch up the jockys..and give..when it hurts. Over the years..the children who may not understand the actual..magnitude..of what you did now..Will..learn to see the depth of how you responded as a human. They will form their own sets of values..and create their very own 'rating systems'..as they see your life..and their moms life. Right now I'd say when they hit their mid 20s..they are going to be 'strongly'..in sync..with being the person..You are. hugs, ina n HB n Kesa
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Thank you Ina - very true
 
KS Newf

KS Newf

New member
You are a really nice guy, and IMHO and belief system your karma will absolutely take care of you. She does, however, need to take care of herself, and sometimes when you help people out too much this does not further them in their journey. On the other hand, your children are also benefiting from your kindness, and that way surpasses the generic term "nice guy." Further, if we all got what we deserved in the way of kindness and compassion, I would be a whole lot behind in my personal journey of humanity, so thanks be to "nice guys" like you. Your children will understand and model you in years to come - priceless.
 
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Henrys Mom

Henrys Mom

New member
You are a nice guy. But how does she know the transmission blew? So she hit a pot hole and now the car won't start...doesn't sound like the transmission. I would have the car towed and have someone look at it. It may be an easy fix and then that can be your car.
 
Windancer

Windancer

New member
Let me get this streight....now she has both cars? One for the boyfriend?
OK...lookie here..the thing is you need to look at WHY you do these things. In reality, you are getting some kind of need fullfillment out of giving her your shorts. ....And If you think this is going to make her FINALLY see and appreciate your virtues, you are sorely mistaken.....we can all applaud you for being a 'good guy', but in the end, you will fade away from the applause, When we no longer hear from you, as she 'needs' your computer....and when you are left with nothing to give or do for her, you will no longer hear from her either....sorry..reality sucks...
 
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