Flower

[Laura_Loomis]

Flower was never my dog. Not really. But it's funny how no matter how much they drive you crazy, it's still hard to let them go. Mike is going to be devestated. And I can't talk to him as he's on black-out until the end of the month...

Today Flower crossed to the bridge. She had 2 seizures on Friday. We went to the vets, and decided to give her the weekend and see how she did. Yesterday, she bit my nephew (though she didn't break the skin) and had another seizure. So today we went back to the vets...

I cried at the vets. Then I was ok, until I got home. It's so quite here (Guido hardly makes any noise...). There was no frantic scratching at the glass door when I got home. No enthusistic leaps onto my legs. No kisses. Guido and I took a calm quiet walk.

I adore Guido, but they are such total opposites, that the house feels really empty. How long is that going to last? I really need my husband right now, and I can't even email him. Which totally sucks.

I stayed eith her till the end. The vet made a pawprint in sculpee for me. I a getting her remains returned in a couple of days. I am really really really sad.

So, Flower, wherever you are now, please forgive me. I really did love you, you fiesty little bitch.

Mom

 

[alexmaddy]

Laura,

How dare you make me cry at work.....

What an endearing post. So sorry to hear about Flower and glad you have at least Guido to comfort you if your husband cannot be present.

Thoughts are with you. I think it never hurts less, just less often as time passes..

 

[NewfLove]

Laura, all I can say is that I'm so sorry. It's very painful and will be for quite awhile. Just remember that you did the best thing for her, a very unselfish thing.

Take care.

d

[ 09-08-2003, 02:50 PM: Message edited by: NewfLove ]

 

[AngusMcDubhsMom]

Laura, I am so very sorry for your heartache at losing Flower. The same happened to my Lab, Seamus 11 years ago and I still think of him. Sadly, it will hurt for a long time, but you will go on. Grief is so hard. Prayers are coming your way. Guido will give you his own comfort, if you let him while your husband is gone. You expressed your love so eloquently for Flower. Be well.

 

[Liz]

Laura - I'm so sorry to hear about Flower..... Hope you're feeling some better soon.

 

[Noreene Rodgers]

I saw Flower's name under the Rainbow Bridge heading, and thought oh no! not Flower, I am at home and crying too. I'm so sorry Laura. It's so hard. And you're doing it solo

Your tribute to her in your post was precious. The paw print by your vet was so considerate. I wish we had one for our pups. We send our love and sympathy to you and Guido.
Noreene

 

[Annie Milliron]

Oh Laura, I'm so very desperately sorry....

I know she's been feeling badly for sometime, but even knowing that, and expecting this doesn't prepare you for the reality.

You did the right thing for Flower... she is free now from all her pain and suffering, and I'm sure she is thankful to you for releasing her from her agony.

Please join me tonight, and light a candle to guide Flower's path.... I'm sure the brightest star in the sky tonight will be Flower's star......

Bless you Laura... let Guido take care of you....

 

[mudji]

I certainly know how you feel, losing Flower and having DH gone... It's not easy.. My heart and tears are with you at the moment.

Please, if there is anything I can do from here, or you need an ear, just email or PM me.

hannah

 

[MNnewf]

Laura, I am so very sorry to hear this. I know Flower will always be a very special girl to you. I will light a candle for Flower tonight.

 

[Jeannie]

Laura,

I am sorry to hear about Flower. Remember the good times you had with her. Bless you.

 

[sarnewfie]

Laura
i saw the name flower to, and had the same thought, oh no!
i am truly sorry. you have a great community of dog lovers here, and i am sure thru email.
i would utilize that now if you can.
so sorry hubby is not around for a while, isnt that how it is though?
keep remembering her with special thoughts, and pretty soon the tears will turn into smiles.
you are most welcome to email me.
take care.
there is another star shining bright in the heavons tonight.

 

[DreamTime Newfs]

So sorry for your loss.

 

[Laura_Loomis]

Guido is being quite a comfort to me. He hasn't left my side (or more accurately, my feet) since I got home. I would like to anthropomorphize and say that's because he misses Flower, too, but let's be honest. He is quite happy to have me all to himself. And if I cry on him, well, he drools right back.

Tell me, is it normal to be feeling so guilty? I can't tell if it's guilt for putting her down, or not trying harder, or noticng sooner (when maybe we could have done something different). It didn't help that after biting the nephew, she was being her old sweet, loving self.

The vet called it unreliable. But I don't have kids...but everyone else around me does...but, but, but......

It didn't feel right. Even though the vet said it was. I am atributing that to the fact that it never feels right, Mike's not here, and I am under a lot of stress and pressure in other things, too (I have an MRI on thursday).

Thank you everyone for all your kind words. They do help. I am sorry if I made other people cry.

I didn't really think it would be this hard. I mean, when I have fostered in the past, I have never cried when they left. But then, I knew what they were going to...

Flower was an adult when we got her. Mike brought her home as a surprise for me from the pound. To replace a Great Pyrenees. . She was always more his dog. We had her for 6 years. We don't know anything about her early life, or even how old she was. We think she might have come fom a puppy mill/byb...When she was spayed, the vet thought she had had a few litters, she had been recently pregnant. Maybe this is where the "unreliable" temperment came from. Or maybe she was in pain.

Anyway, I feel better for crying and having written about it. Someone, tell me it's normal to feel guilty for putting a pet to sleep...please.

Laura

 

[Elizabeth]

I'm so sorry about Flower...
The guilt is normal. Ask me about my rottie sometime...
The pain will ease, as will the other feelings.
Just know that you did the right thing.
It's always hard to lay a beloved pet to rest. Unlike us, they cannot tell us how they feel or what they feel. I'm sure it's confusing to a pet when things start to go wrong with their bodies and minds.
We have to make the decisions that are so hard, but necessary.

Elizabeth

 

[sarnewfie]

I agree with Lizzie
and would add,
jasons rott is becoming more and more senile as the days go on, he is horrible, when jason leaves he works himself into such a lather, that now that jason has been home with him he is finally admitting that he sees it to.
jason is leaving for a year, going overseas, what am i going to do with recon????
i am going to have to make a decision for him, for his dog, for the dog that lives eats breathes jason, he is not ever going to bond to me, that is how rotts can be, after living 8 years with jason and his family, he was to set in his ways, so laura, yes i will have to make a decision, and it will be dam hard, and yes i will feel guilty, first becouse i am the one who has to do this, and second becouse jason wont be here to say goodbye, i think he is starting to have heart failure, all the typical signs are there, but again, it will most likely fall on my shoulders when to stop his suffering and pain.
dont feel guilty, instead look at it this way, she is not suffering, she is at peace. she was most likely really hurting, and that is why she bit the child.
who knows what the seizures did to her mental state?
i think you did right, and i think in time you will realize, the unselfishness of your decision.
the most kind an unselfish thing you could have done for her, you set her free.

 

[pawsx12]

Dear Laura,
I am sorry to hear of your loss. The days are not the same even if you have another dog in the house. I know your sorrow and pain. I only hope that in time you can look at so many memories and smile. I will say an extra prayer and light a candle for you and yours.
Cissy
Oji(walking with angels)
Rekcut( the black shepherd girl)
Rainbo(the newest addition)

 

[IrishMist428]

Oh laura, I am very sorry. My condolences.

 

[Zatara and Merrick's Mom]

Laura, I am so sorry to hear about Flower.

Your description of your quiet house is so heartbreaking. I'm sorry you have to be alone -- it's good that you have Guido to give you comfort. Any time you need to vent or cry or share, please know that there are people here who are willing to listen and, although our shoulders aren't close enough to cry on, we will hug you in our thoughts.

And yes, yes, yes, it is normal to feel guilty. I often felt guilty after we put our Samoyed down 2 years ago. I still feel a twinge every now and then but it has diminished over time. It will get easier for you.

<hugs>

 

[AmyPC]

Oh Laura,

I am so sorry about Flower. I haven't been around lately - busted the laptop - and when I came and saw Flower's name under the Rainbow Bridge header I was worried and sad instantly!

Don't worry, the guilt is normal.

Hug Guido a lot.

 

[Giddyuppy]

I know how you feel. I went through that, 2 months ago. The day he died, I made a card about him, set it to the song: What a Wonderful World, and I read it every day!

I got my Newf pup Aug. 28th, and the other day when I gave him Joseph's toys, I cried like a baby! I, too, felt (and still do feel) guilty! I cry over Joseph, everyday! He was a Blk.Lab/ Golden mix. Black hair with the Golden's length & waves.

Here's the verse in the card.
_______________________________________________
Through rivers of tears, I sent Joseph to Doggy Heaven, today...July 8, 2003.
His hips, knees and ankles had gotten so bad, I was running the risk of him breaking his joints, through my "selfishness" of not wanting to be without him. He needed a lot of help to be able to get up, and then helping hands to steady him. I slept on the floor with him last night, and we shared a Hershey bar...his favorite.
I couldn't have had a better friend for the 16 1/2 yrs. I had him.
Some folks think I'm wrong in taking the death of a dog so much harder than that of a human, but...let them think what they will. No one could love their dog more than I love Joseph. All he ever wanted to do was: please.
I had the vet sedate him before the "final shot",so there would be very little risk of adverse reactions. He loved to have his belly rubbed, so I rubbed his belly the entire time. When his back leg quit it's scratching motion, I knew that he'd enjoyed his last moments with me.
I had him cremated and will pick him up, tomorrow. Then, when the weather is good, I'll put him, along with my other dogs, out in my prairie grass.
Where do all the tears come from?

[ 09-09-2003, 07:24 AM: Message edited by: Giddyuppy ]