up-date on Kids

[nikkimd7]

Well needles to say it has been a very emotional roller coaster weekend!!!!!!.....We have laughed, cried and had hugs all weekend long.
But I think the most important thing that could have come out of this weekend,and the whole thing is this: My son has had a breakthrough, after the abuse was done to them the last time, my son told me and authorities exactly what had happened to him and his sister, as did my daughter.
But soon after, my son struggled and started to deny anything that was done, and was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Since this time, we have had a long road of emotional out burst he didn't understand, anger, frustration, and tears would flow from him, his anger would be taken out on siblings, and nature(tree's etc), his hysterical episode's would trigger days of fear and anxiety, no sleep, and curling up in cupboards through the night to feel safe, body and stomach aches he couldn't explain, bout's of sweats and prolonged showers to 'scrub' himself clean, when an 'ordinary' means of discipline had to happen, he would revert to being a small child, and throw himself to the ground or curl up in the corner crying hysterically.My days were spent loving him and giving him my undivided attention(most of my time not on here was times I was helping my son) and as a whole family we were struggling, his Therapist over the years had not been able to break through and help us face our little boy's demons, he had locked so far away......But yesterday, we had the break through we had been waiting for, and he remembers!!!!!!!!!!!He has remembered the most horrific acts,and As I sit here tears flowing down my cheeks, I am so thankful, that we can now help our son heal, recover, and help him grow, even with the memory of what happened, for 3 hours yesterday, my son and I, sat on my bed, and talked and cried, and held each other, we can now rebuild, and move on!
My daughter still has no memory of the things that happened,although also diagnosed with P.T.S.D, her behavior has been of a normal healthy child, apart from her learning disability and deafness..But we will be keeping a very close eye on her, even though she was only 4 when the last incident happened, my son who was 6, can also remember the times it happened when he was 3!
Thank you all for your very kind words, (Ina,

) We still have a long road ahead of us, but now we can take a step further and help him!
P.S. I am still waiting for the Information on him, the D.A's office did get back in touch, and are looking into why we weren't informed for us, I will keep you posted.

 

[Murphy]

I know this will sound pretty awful, and I am not minimizing this horrific event, but maybe in some small way it was a blessing if it was the catalyst to making that necessary breakthrough. My toughts and prayers continue to be with your family Nikki. You are a very brave woman and excellent Mother.

 

[nikkimd7]

Jenn......I thought the same thing, and I actually told my son, that I believe this had to happen now, because thing's happen for a reason, and as I held him and told him how proud I was of him, he looked at me and said, "i remembered some things a while ago, but in my memory, it was just a body, a man with no head", I held him tighter and said "well now we have the head, we can get through this" I don't know if that was the right thing to say, I haven't spoke to the therapist today yet.
But I do truly believe, this was suppose to happen now, and at the age he is now, and not 17, like he would have been if this man got out when he was suppose too.

 

[ina/puusty]

Thanks much on the updates..and yes..progress is being made..as will more healing and progress..as time flows forward. One thing..I have always listened for..and never heard..from those I know..who delt/deal..with more tradit. counseling/therapy..was a visual..like this. At any age..a person is..be they child or 'tween'-age or adult..a visual of a burned forest, fire embers..from a camp fire or fireplace in the home. In short-form..and with no embellishments here today..to tire any who read this..it goes thus. Each person who 'tells' another person who has suffered a trauma..says it in their own words/life experience..and way. I have found that offering first..the visual of the fire dead and ashes, gone quiet..starts the visualization. One can actually began sweeping up..the debris..or simply remark..that that CAN..'be done next'. When you have that idea of A. Damage, B. Incidents at an end..then move toward.. healing takes place, when we..WE..take charge. We do not need to suffer the length of 'healing'..that modern processes..ask that vict. replay and 'work through'. Fast fade..back, 200 years, 1034 years or 5000..or more. People were not asked to replay the incident..and these incidents..have happened..forever. The human brain, and the human emotions..have made gigantic forward motions in many areas..and muddied-up, others. All I suggest..is letting a person of any age 'see'..that their trauma..had an end..and now they have the future..which is scrubbing the ugly almost.. away..and letting the new person emerge. It has a pain..but it has a healing..and it seems, in my view..to move more swiftly..if one has non-verbal images..upon which to focus. It takes them away..from endless replaying..of events..and it means 'you are now HERE! You are..no longer THERE..and the images..will fade and assume only that space they need to..in the back alleys of the mind..where they can function..as an 'alert' mechanism..but will no longer..drag them down. In ancient times..no one heard repetitivly..'you are a victim'..as they do..in todays society. So..hoorah for the breakthoughs..and for all those whos training, and love are keeping you and yours..moving toward all the good things in life. Bake a pan of something delicious for the school staff, another pan for the therapist..and of course..a double-batch..for the family.

ina n HB

 

[Sue M.]

remembered the most horrific acts,and As I sit here tears flowing down my cheeks, I am so thankful, that we can now help our son heal, recover, and help him grow, even with the memory of what happened, for 3 hours yesterday, my son and I, sat on my bed, and talked and cried, and held each other, we can now rebuild, and move on!

As are the tears here right now!!

It is a blessing! He needed to get that out and know that it wasn't his fault! God Nikki.... I feel sooo bad for what your kids and you all are going through right now! But look at the "NOW" as the break through that your son needed to release what was pent up inside! THEY NEED TO GET THAT OUT! Getting it out will allow him to put this in the proper prospective.... THAT HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG!!!!! And that he can quit feeling guilty and know that it wasn't his fault!

I am crying as I write this just thinking of the turmoil that must have been going on his your boy's mind! Hopefully, he will be able to put it in a place it belongs and realize that an injustice was done to him that was not his fault! Hopefully, he'll be able to put it where it belongs and live a life that he deserves to live with love and happiness and family.

I'm soooo sorry that you have to deal with somethign like this!!!

 

[Robyn]

That is great Nikki. Now he can deal with the demons and move on through life.

I just can not imagine what these kids must have had going on in their little heads.

To finally be able to open that baggage he has been carrying, and to sift through it and discard what he has been carrying around.....that is certainly progress.

 

[TerriW]

It's like a sore that couldn't heal because the medicine could break through to it. Now, let the healing begin. It doesn't mean it won't still hurt or that it might not have further complications, but it will BEGIN.

 

[camel24j]

i know this is not any help to you and i am glad he is making progrees that is really good. i know of 3 people in my family that do abuse children that way and it is horible that they are still running around free. my mom has also told me she was abused that way and the abuser was a family member and her own mother wouldnt listen and let him come around i have also met this family member but i was older and already new what he was. i have an uncle who is another one of these bad people and he is just moved to ky were i dont know for sure. i just hate hereing these storys that kids are still being aboused and the men or women who has caused this horrible thing walk free and clear. my family has way to many secrets and at times i just want to tell the world all of them. i will say althou i have alot of bad family i have never been abused that way so i could not tell you anything from experiance i was only abused by being hit. i hope everything works out and that he can recover from this finaly.

[ 05-21-2007, 03:59 PM: Message edited by: camel24j ]

 

[ina/puusty]

In this thread..and from these women with their own 'tellings'..of information..will flow future safety..for many people..almost all..whom they will never actually meet..but who have been 'reached'..by the unfolding lives Nikki has told us some of..and from Jennifer..who has just now shared. Can you two strong women..imagine..how many on this board..must know from either personal experience..or of some others they know of.. what all this is like..in their county, their town, their family? This IS..some amazing strength good people..and if people who have read these posts, these threads..and do not speak..at least they can hold up their heads because they KNOW..they are not alone. They may make a move toward confronting some..who have need of being confronted, turned in someone..who needs 'stopped' or..ratted-out! That is where real power is. To take the hurt..decide NO more..and go for every legal path that may yank an abused person..away from the pain and secrecy. I have..on rare times..gone to the local authorities..with private info. Never..has an official or a police dept. let my name out..while checking up..on information I thought was valid. I am in debted to a number of sch. counslers, and police/sheriffs depts..over the years..for accepting fragments of names/places activities. I have even used the way of writing a short note..naming names and sending it in..if I felt that I must remain 'out of view'. Anyway..to each of you..who has an awareness of wrong-doing..and now decide to help stop it..it can be done..and..I have found..it is most usually done ..quietly, and by setting up an appointment with someone ..and bringing in a list of notes/times/car lis. numbers..names..whatever you can find. They are glad to offer help..and most often cannot tell you..what was done with your information..but trust me..they will check it all out..and no one..will ever come back on those who offered the tip. Good luck..be strong, ina n HB

 

[SheilaT]

You are an amazing Mom, Nikki. To this day, my mother won't/can't talk about what happened to me as a 6 year old, a 7 year old, and then again as a 9 year old. I had a year of "remembering" those incidents and acting out and nightmares and I tried to ask my mom about those dreams/memories and she would break down and I'd get no real answers. I love my mom dearly, but her answer to that really bad year was to send me to my grandmother for the summer and still nothing was discussed. What I did discover that summer, though, is that my mom is who she is and we're an old new england farm family where emotions were buried and not to be explored. What I ended up doing was seeking therapy of my own as an adult to try to figure out why I made some of the decisions I made and why I had the feelings I had. That finally put it all in perspective for me.

Your children are blessed to have you to help them heal from this horrible ordeal that way too many of us have had to suffer through as innocent children. God Bless, Nikki.