Visitors who are allergic?

[CathyC.]

So, my little nieces and nephew are allergic to animals. They have come with my inlaws from out of town to visit for the day. Mil asked that obi be kept away. Obi does not like to be alone nor do we like to leave him alone for long. He escapes his crate. He would destroy walls trying to get out if we closed a door and he would bark and cry if we put him on the deck. So, i am staying with him in my room while dh and my kids visit with the family. I am not very happy. Dh is not very happy. This is our home and obi's but i do not know what else to do. Since i have a chronic and debilitating condition they may well think i am resting and it is not incorrect however were it not for the request i would be hosting or at least visiting. I am isolated enough and feeling somewhat frustrated and resentful even though no one is at fault. Anyone else been in this boat?

 

[Brandie&Maggie]

That is very frustrating. I understand being allergic, but if it's that serious I would have asked to meet in a public place or somewhere else. We have friends who are allergic to cats. They know we have one. they take meds before they come over and we vacuum and such right before they come. We spend time outside when the weather is nice.

We do have a few folks who are allergic to dogs. The one that is REALLY allergic doesn't come over except for outdoor parties. Other folks just don't touch the dog and we keep her away from that person. Or behind a gate where she can still see us. And they take meds and are just careful.

It's a hard line to walk. But it is your home and it's not fair you can't be with the company. Next time I'd meet in a public place or go to someone else's home.

 

[Bailey Boy]

We have friends that come to visit every once in a while stay the weekend with us. While the husband is okay she is allergic to cats so when they come we put the cats up in their room where we keep the litter pans and food for the weekend. I vacuum everything and wash as much as i can in my room where they sleep including the curtains. She does take meds and I know I can't get every cat hair but at I try to make is as comfortable for her as I can, as we dont' get to see each other that much anymore. For friends or family members that are afraid of my dogs I usually put the dogs behind a baby gate or back in one of the bedrooms while they visit.

 

[R Taft]

My solution is rather rude i suppose..... if you cannot deal with my dogs, don't come.... It is their home and ours foremost. if I wanted to meet allergic people I would have to do that outside my home. If they are truly allergic, i do not think I could clean my home enough for them to still not be affected...

 

[Jeannie]

My solution is rather rude i suppose..... if you cannot deal with my dogs, don't come.... It is their home and ours foremost. if I wanted to meet allergic people I would have to do that outside my home. If they are truly allergic, i do not think I could clean my home enough for them to still not be affected...

I agree. Rude? I don't think so. the pet dander is still in your house so putting the dog in another room won't stop the allergic reaction.

 

[shellyk]

It's unfortunate that your nieces and nephews can't enjoy Obi. It sounds more like their parents or MIL's concerns. My son in law has recently found out he's really a cat person now that he can have a cat. In his childhood home they were only allowed a hypo allergenic little dog due to one of his brother's allergies. Are their allergies just a few sniffles or major asthma attack? I bet the children would be willing to put up with a few sneezes and sniffles and play with Obi !

 

[CathyC.]

I dont know what happened. I was feeling so irritated by the request that it put me out of commission (yes, i am that fragile medically. Any additional stress needs to be avoided.) and i did not even greet them. I stayed in the master suite, lying down, with obi the entire time.

Two christmases ago we rented a cottage together (lets not talk about costs) and they asked that we keep obi downstairs where our room was which meant effectively, again, i had to stay downstairs or dh did. The kids still came downstairs though because their cousins were there! My niece got puffy, itchy eyes but then again she was in close contact with my dog. I think my nephew was better but i can't remember. The babies were not born yet so who knows about their reaction. One of our group is a pediatrician so the symptoms were medicated well but she still had a lot of puffiness.

I do not know if she reacted this time. I hired two cleaners the day before and spent a lot of time myself cleaning too (which output of energy negatively affected me the next day too.). And, the kids spent most of their time in the basement play area where obi does not go very often (though hair and dander falls down through the railings...).

I would tend to agree that they should not come here but that will not go over well with dh even though he agrees it is a problem for us and them. We do not bring obi when we visit them but we now go rarely and only for a night: travel is too hard on me which makes meeting in a neutral location equally hard for me. I need to lie down after being in a car. Sometimes dh goes with the kids and i stay home but i dont care for this option as a regular thing either. Might have to stick to camping in the summer (we do bring obi).

I appreciate the feedback and support. I know mil meant well but the effect was not fun and i will not have a repeat.

 

[lmfoltyn]

I am sorry that you had to go through this...it isn't fair to you or Obi...I too have an illness, (MS) that makes it impossible to keep my house spot clean...you can only do what you can do and they should understand your limitations...and obviously you can't get every hair or the pet dander that is everywhere by vacuuming no matter how often it is done. Your family needs to understand this is your home and you have a dog whom you love and they should respect this...

 

[Bailey Boy]

I am sorry to hear that the visit made you ill, it is hard when you have family members or friends that have allergies or fears, some just don't understand the bond between us and our furbabies.

My friend always says you cant get every thing clean, we both know that but putting my cats up for the weekend and cleaning my room helps a little along with her meds. She is a very good friend and was the only one willing to babysit Bailey my wild child so I do it out of love more then anything. Same with family my niece is afraid of big dogs, I love her very much and putting my dogs up for a day or the week when they came to the house for vacation was hard for everyone keeping them separate but in the end she was able to relax a bit around them.

I truly am sorry your day was not what you would like it to have been. I imagine it was very hard on the kids seeing a big fluffy pup and not being able to play with him.

 

[AngusMcDubhsMom]

I'm sorry you aren't feeling well after the "visit" too. Have to agree with Jeannie and Ronnie...you're not rude and no matter how much you clean, there will be dander, etc. in the air. Your dh may not like it, but he needs to step up and support your feelings, not his mother's choices. I hope you can find a solution that doesn't mean putting you and Obi in solitary. Visits on neutral turf sounds like a good idea. Feel better too.:hugs:

 

[victoria1140]

Get well and look after yourself first and foremost.

If the reaction is that mild then l am suprised they didnt just take antihistamines first,make sure the children were wearing long sleeves and trousers, there are also very good barrier creams or gloves.

My brother had exzema as a child badly,l have asthma and we used to pet my mums friends Persian cat with gloves on and just strip them off afterwards,yes we had slight reactions but we knew what to watch for and we made sure we had well ventilated areas and if we felt too bad we went and played outside.

It probably made us tougher with our problems.we always had a spare set of clothing in the car and baby wipes and water to wash our hands and faces.mums friend was never offended if we did this as she tried hard to minimise the fur and we also thought it was fun eating sandwichs and squash in the car .

A lot of times we visited they tried to make it better weather so picnics outside.not an issue then.

Its your house and your rules, sooner or later they will have to come into contact with pets and better to start building up an immunity like we did rather than let it take over.

 

[CathyC.]

Thanks so much everyone. Allergies are miserable and i do not want my nieces suffering nor my nephew however i cannot help feeling that the issue is the domain of the parents. When we go to relatives who have cats (ds and dh are allergic) it would never occur to me to ask them to alter anything. We take antihistamine beforehand and ds knows if he wants to pet the cats he should keep his hands away from his face and wash them afterwards. If his eyes puff up, well he knew they would but he can wash his face and rinse his eyes or choose to leave the cats alone. I use essential oils for allergies, too. Change clothes and shower at home afterwards. My nieces are younger than my son but even a toddler can be taught to respect an animal and stay away from it. It only becomes my problem, imo, if my dog goes to the child in which case i command him leave it and lie down. I really should not feel so resentful though. Maybe it is because i was already pushing hard for their visit to accomodate them in ways they have no idea of. For instance, i had an event that morning already. I do not do two things in a day, normally or even a week. I cant and doing things in the morning is especially hard but the morning event was unavoidable and not postponable. So, having them come that day was already a stretch especially since my normal cleaner had not been in 3 weeks due to her mother's health issues meaning a scramble to find a fill in. Then, our morning event included lunch but relatives arrived expecting lunch. In a normal household this is not a huge deal but we are grain free, starch free, sugar free etc etc. Everything has to be made from scratch and i cannot have commercially prepared food in the house because of cross contamination so poor dh had to scramble and go shopping to find something they could eat, fast, that would not make me sick. Food is a HUGE souce of stress for me. I do not frequently discuss the severity of my limitations and most people looking at me would never, ever guess they exist at all. I post about the things i do or make not the fact that i did them in bed or spent the next week recuperating. Nobody wants to be aware of that.