PLEASE! advice anyone?

[nikkimd7]

I don't know if this goes here or not, but right now i am frantic, and I am reaching out to you all my family on NN......
The person who sexually abused two of my children I have just learned was released from prison.NO ONE NOTIFIED US.......they were suppose to!!!!!!!!!!!
The way I found out was by checking the sex offender registry which i do every couple of months, for my own piece of mind........I am frantic, and can't stop crying, he was suppose to serve 8 years, but has only served 4 and was released for "good behaviour".my children think they are safe because he (they thought) was inside.....I don't know how we are going to tell them.....
I have left messages for the District atterny, who prosecuted him, and also his parrolle officer, who the Police officer in Baltimore told me I should, when I called frantic asking them if it was true......HE is only an hour from my babies.....The system has let me down AGAIN, I could have gone to his parrolle hearing and given another victim impact statement, I could have helped keep him in jail.but NO ONE NOTIFIED US...please any one here know of anything I could do.I am frantic
Oh and I have left a message with the childrens therapist for advice on how to tell the children.....oh my God only two days ago, I told my son, when he asked me if he was still in jail...YES and he has a few more years to do, and you will almost be a man...oh my God what should I do.sorry I am ranting, but I'm frantic.

 

[ina/puusty]

Frantic..I understand..but it will be like standing in front of a burning house..and spraying water in a full circle..only part of which..is taking care of the problem fire. You need to sit down..since the first phone calls have been made..and realize that he is..in ALL probability..not going to be looking at reabusing your children. Your emotive response..is apt to..if not cooled-down..further injure your children...by causing them an uneeded, unwarrented load of grief-replayed..and fear engendered. Yes.. the system has failed you..but now you can seek help, protections that may be due..and construct your new plans..for living day to day. You are one..of many..who face this exact problem..and the exact breakdown..of the plan or program structure. Inhale, exhale. Drink ice water..it 'jars' the mind and body..lets you regain control. This is a fight..you WILL win..but you..must be in control. I am speaking in a way that may seem harsh..but it is not meant that way..it is a strong 'arm-shoulder shake'..from here to you..to remind you..of what protections you will be able to put in place..with determined focus. love, ina

 

[Sue M.]

Awww, I'm so sorry that your kids had to go through such a terrible experience! And you too, as their mother, I'm sure you are just sick about this!

I don't know that you can do anything after the fact. He's been released and they are not going to put him back because you weren't informed.

YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN INFORMED!

Now that is something that you can make a big stink about! (But, as Ina said, I'd do this discreetly when the kids aren't around. You don't want them to be any more fearful.)

You can also try to find out who his parole officer is and try to keep tabs that what is supposed to be happening is! You can keep him on the front burner of their minds!

I'd also try to make sure that where ever he lives, he is registered as a sex offender. The community around him has a right to know that there is a sex offender amongst them and that they need to watch their children.

Again, I'm so sorry for you and your kids!

[ 05-17-2007, 04:01 PM: Message edited by: Sue M. ]

 

[nikkimd7]

Thank you so much.both of you!
and thanks to who moved this to where it should be!!...I'm sorry I put it in the wrong place, I was just frantic..
But I must say I have now calmed..enough to smile at the children coming in from school, and act like I am me.fun crazy Mum!!
I have left a message with parole officer and expect to be called back tomorrow,and the district attorney, and the police, local and Baltimore, school I will deal with tomorrow when the children are in it, and they don't know..I have talked to the therapist, and he recommended, we just tell them come right out and say it, like it is, do not wrap it in cotton wool, as they are old enough to understand now, and know that we weren't notified. Good advice I thought.
Please don't feel sorry for me and the children, it has been a LONG road,and this part I didn't expect to happen so soon, but we will deal and do what we have to, and I have realized just recentley it was not my fault, and that we can over come ANYTHING as a family!...Just give us your thoughts and prayers, and advice if you have any!

 

[Murphy]

First of all sweetie.. You need to take a really deep breath and calm down. Which it would appear you have done to a degree. I am not trying to minimize your fears but nothing can be accomplished if you have an anxiety attack that makes you ill. You are clearly a very strong person who has had much to deal with. More than anyone deserves in a life time. You are already are doing everything that can be done, and from my profession, I can say that you have left no stone unturned in your attempts to protect and deal with the aftermath of such a despicable crime against your children.
You also need to take care of yourself and it's OK if you are not a perfect cheerful Mom every time they walk through the door from school. You are human and after all is said and done, remember that aside from taking care of everyone else, you need to take care of yourself.
p.m. me if you want to talk some more friend.

 

[afreas]

Agree with the advice above.

One thing I would add is to have a quiet talk with your local police, just as information to them.
Art

 

[Erika]

Hugs to ya.....I agree..breath,relax and focus!!Gather the facts and move forward with what needs to be done.Knowledge is power...go get yours....sending prayers all works out for you and the kids

 

[KS Newf]

You are doing everything right, and you have the right to be angry that you weren't informed. You must keep calm and take care of yourself. This will be how you ultimately protect the children both mentally and physically. You can discreetly track this predator to a certain extent, and I agree, a quiet talk with your local police is in order. Just as this attack is never the fault of the victim, nor is it your fault. Sexual predators are as wily as they are evil. They are to blame - not their victims or those who love their victims. Your children are lucky to have you as a Mom.

 

[TerriW]

OMG, Nikki, I just saw this. Did you tell your children? I can't imagine what they must go thru, knowing that evil person is out. Did anyone suggest NOT telling the children? No, that's probably not a good idea.

DEFINITELY call the police in your town and the town this person lives in. Or send a certified letter. Let them know they need to be watching. Tell the kids' school, too. Remind them NEVER to let the children leave the school w/out you or hubby, or whomever is on your list. Same with church, or wherever they go on a regular basis - scouts, sports practice, dance, whatever.

Do your kids have cell phones? Get them one. It may help them feel safer knowing you are one button-push away (and tell the schools why they should be permitted to carry it). Let the dogs sleep in their rooms if they don't already. Put an alarm on the doors.

All this isn't because I think this person is coming for them but because it will make THEM FEEL SAFER.

Hugs,
Terri

 

[blstarke]

God Bless you, and everyone here has wonderful advice.I am sending prayers for youand the children.Too bad that your Newfies couldn't go to school with the children. Actually,they could.
PM me and I will tell you how

 

[TerriW]

Judy, that's a great idea!! Is it really possible? Can students have guard dogs at school? Or would this be more of an emotional support for the children?

[ 05-18-2007, 03:39 PM: Message edited by: Terri P ]

 

[Tobysmom]

Oh Nikki I'm so sorry! I just saw this. I can't imagine what your family has gone through. It is so unfair that this person gets to be free and that you and your family have to relive the pain all over again

I would have thought they should have notified you. I'd be soooo upset too. I'm so sorry!!!

 

[Robyn]

There is a group of bikers in this area that are childrens advocates. They will go to court with the child and sit with them. These are large, bad a** looking guys! They will also have a couple go and hang out with the kids at their home, ball fields etc, especially if the offender has been released from prison.

It gives the child a bit of a sense of security, and it put the message out to the offender that they are being watched.

In one case, the offender tried to make contact with the child and the biker group did a ride about around this guy's block........

They hold raffles every year to raise money for the group. We always buy tickets.

Sometimes these kids just need to know that someone understands, cares, and is fully capable of being their buddy and protector.

 

[Brody the Newf]

Nikki,

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I don't have experience in this area at all BUT I do think this $%^& will not bother your children again.

 

[luvxl k 9]

I can't add anything more to the great advice you've already gotten. Just know that my prayers and thoughts are with you and your family. That would be really cool if the Newfs could go to school with them. Not only would the dogs make them feel better but they'd probably have so many other kids around them the whole time no one could get close to them anyway.

[ 05-18-2007, 04:33 PM: Message edited by: luvxl k 9 ]

 

[Pam G]

I'm so sorry...This is terrible!!! I can't believe they let him out early in the first place..and then to not even notify you...

 

[nikkimd7]

Thank you all for the GREAT advice.
Today was better then yesterday, but today I mainly felt Angry, more angry then shocked and frightened which was how I felt yesterday. It was very very emotional to have to go to the schools and relive it all again, but the schools were very supportive, and very thankful that I had contacted them and given them the information. I took in with me the fliers and links to the page, so they have all the information they would need, including the recent mug shot of him.
Tonight we will sit down and talk to the children, I am worried as to how they will take it, thank you for all the advice as to how to make them feel safer, I think your right about letting the dog's sleep in with the kids if they want too, as the dog's make my son feel very safe. While I was talking to the police yesterday Effie Barked at a noise out side, and the officer said "oh I hear you have a BIG DOG.that's good!"..I said well actually I have two, and they adore my children, and I know they would protect them.
I have notified everyone I can think of, including girl guides ETC.
I am holding it together, but feel like I am reliving it all over again, just that little bit of fear that niggles deep down, constantly, is back again. When he was first arrested and charged, he made bail.then he ran, and he was on the run for over a year, because of my constant calling of the law enforcement and getting America's most wanted involved, they caught him hiding out in the Florida keys, but for that whole time I lived in constant fear, that he would come and look for them, and take them and run with them, and now that fear is back, knowing of him living on the outside has taken all the safety away. I'm just not sure how to deal with it, I knew this day would come, I was prepared for it, or so I thought....But the judge told us in the court room, the day he was sentenced that he justified sentencing him to the 15 years, serving 8 and suspended 7, because he wanted to make sure the children were almost adults before he got out, so they could have a chance. He justified 15 years because of the crimes done, which made each and every person in the courtroom that day gasp with horror and cry!
I will let you all know how it goes with the children.
I don't know if I could get through this without all of your support, thank you, thank you, thank you, from our family to you all!

 

[puppylove1]

 

[Sheila]

Nik, I don't even know what to say.

 

[TerriW]