For Hannah and others in grief

[NewfLove]

When Allie died 18 days ago, the grief was so overwhelming, that I had to do something. After two days in bed wailing, I bought two books, and both are very good.

1. The Loss of a Pet by Wallace Sife, Ph.D
2. Coping with Sorrow on the loss of your pet by Moira Anderson, M.Ed.

Both of these books helped me recognize that my excruciating grief was normal and that it would, with time, subside.

My vet suggested I call a pet loss support line at UC/Davis, California, although there are many across the nation. I spoke to a kind, compassionate vet student. I couldn't say any words at first, just crying, and she said, "That's ok, I've got all night." I told her of Allie's lifelong problems and our love and she said that "your level of grief is directly related to your dedication and years with your pet. She knows how much you love her." She helped tremendously.

And, maybe most importantly, I started writing in a journal a friend got me. Every few hours, at first, I would write Allie, telling her how much I love her and miss her. I felt like I was connecting with her and she was hearing me. It was something tangible.

Also, the site www.rainbowsbridge.com has a great chat room, message board, etc.

These are but a few suggestions.

I wanted to share a card our vet gave us when we picked up Allie's ashes:

"We wanted to express our condolences for your loss of Allie. Rarely do we find a dog like Allie. She had a true zest for life and a heart bigger than most. She was a blessing. Her life was not easy, but with your love, she had a long happy life. I know you were blessed to have her love, as she was to have yours."

Having a vet that truly understands your depth of love for you pet helps, too.

If I can ever help anyone, please contact me. You can't go through this grief alone.

Dianne

 

[AngusMcDubhsMom]

Dianne, thank you for that beautiful letter which will help all of us when the time comes. Just moments before opening Newfnet I received a message and poem from a friend who is going through the agony of watching her beloved, adored 11 1/2 year old Newf slowly dying:the diagnosis is liver cancer. she is being kept comfortable,and has good days with herbal therapies, etc., but there are signs that Madison is getting ready to leave us. i am going to save your information for her "Mom" when she needs it.Thank you again,Anne

 

[NewfLove]

Anne, how awful, knowing the time is near. I took a lot of video that morning, petting her, talking to her, but I can't watch it. I thought it would be good to have it, but there is no way to "store memories" in my opinion.

Will your friend be with her when she is put to sleep? Although it is torture for the owner, I think it is what you owe your precious Newf who gave you so much love - IF you can do it. I said, in another post, how I got up to leave the room and let my husband stay with her, but Allie tried to get up and go with me. Being there when they go causes so much more grief for us, in my mind, but I owed it to Allie. She was peaceful, she didn't even look at the vet, she was ready, and I kept whispering how much I love her.

You could have your friend contact me if you would like, because it is a living hell. That's all I can say. Pure torture.

d

 

[Annie Milliron]

Russell gave me a camcorder for Christmas, just months before Sadie died. We have her on tape... not a lot... but what we have is at least something... certainly, not enough....

I can't watch it easily... but knowing that it's "there" makes all the difference in the world. We even got some tape when she was barking... hearing her wookie voice.... well... I'm sure you understand.

As an adult, I've watched home movies from my childhood. My Father is in them, and it's amazing to watch him. Of course, the movies have no sound.... and I long to hear his voice again. He died back in 1983.

So for all of you out there, record your loved ones... human and canine... the film you shoot will be a treasure for all of you.

and Dianne,

Your words continue to touch me in a way that is hard to express. I admire you for your bravery, and for sharing all that you have learned on this journey. It's sure to help others....

Annie

 

[mudji]

I think that's the consolation.. I did not have to make any decision with regard to Mowgli. He made that decision for me.

I know my grief is normal, and in time will pass. It's just hard at the moment, as we all know.

hannah

(Corrected upon reread to fix... Mudji is still here, at 19 months, BOY is he still here....)

[ 06-19-2003, 05:49 PM: Message edited by: mudji ]

 

[Annie Milliron]

I was just surfing around the net, and found this website (hosted by Dog & Cat Fancy). You can memorialize your pets there. I opened an account and created a memorial for Sadie. Here's the link if any of you are interested. It's free...

Remember our pets

 

[AngusMcDubhsMom]

Thanks, Dianne. Madison is still with us for now and I don't know if her "mom" will have her put down or what. She's a very compassionate woman and I know she will not let Maddy suffer, no matter what it takes. There is no doubt in my mind that the whole family will gather around Maddy when she needs them. They're very special Newfie-lovers. Maddy is #4 out of 5, I think and she was adopted as an older dog by them.No dog ever had a more devoted family. I worry about them and how sad they are going to be.
Anne

 

[mudji]

My guess is that they will be very sad.... My thoughts are with Madison and her family....

hannah

 

[Khiori]

Regarding the book "Loss of a Pet" by Dr. Sife - he has a web site and conducts a chatroom once a week. There are three chats per week, but he hosts one of them. When my Khiori died, I went to every chat session. They really helped me to work through a lot of grief. I don't know that I would have been able to handle anything without their help.

http://www.aplb.org/

Directly to the chat page (you need to register - it's free)
http://www.aplb.org/chat/index.htm

 

[NewfLove]

Rachel, thank you! I didn't know that!

d

 

[R Taft]

I really feel for you loosing your dog so recently, it is always so very painful. I lost one of my newfs to Ovarian cancer and was completely lost without her. My husband brought home a newf pup two weeks later (Abbey). First I was so angry with him, because I didn't want Jessie replaced, but as he said she was not a replacement she was to take another place and in the days to come she did just that, She knew even as a 6week old pup that she was needed and had a "job" to do and she made a special place for herself and consoled me in my loss and kept me busy. She is now a very special dog to me.
I totally agree that it is very hard to be there when you have to put you friend to sleep, but you do owe them the peace and love they can feel at the end. My husband and I both cried and took her home to bury her......A wonderful vet makes it easier, it is the very sad part of such wonderful friendship and bonds we have with our dogs

 

[Booboo]

I have a 3 year old male landseer. His birthday is today.(same as Harry Potters) 2 years ago he tore a ligament in his back leg. He underwent leg surgery. During the six month recovery time, I realised that he was not getting better. When I took him back to the vet, the vet said that he had developed sever arthritis in his hips. My problem is that I don't know when enough is enough. I know he is in pain. He has to drag himself outside to go to the bathroom.He can get up, but I can tell it's painful.His front legs are getting tired now. He hasn't played with his toys in so long and he just lays in the corner(unless some has food then he can drag himself up to his spot at the table pretty darn quick.) So I make the decision to put him down and he drags himself out to the sand box and tries to play in it and starts chewing on his tennis ball. I am so conflicted and I feel like a murderer.

 

[brendapiepiorka]

Boo,
look under maladies and disease,s, someone just posted some great imfo on arthritus. Your poor baby. I feel your pain.

Brenda and maggie