Anxiety & Codependence?

[LeahO]

Hey All! I had a funny thing happen last night on a family outing to the store. Ben, who's now 1 year old, is very concerned about "the momma" (me) anytime she leaves. He's my first lil Newfie, so I have lots of questions...

So we go out last night for a trip to the store with daddy & Ben riding in the back while I go in to pick up ice cream. Cody was surprised to find that when I left the car, Ben couldn't care less about him. He just drooled and looked panicked until the momma returned.

I realize that I'm "the momma" & Ben's a sweet boy, but I'm wondering if this is a puppy thing or if he's going to be stressed out at 9 years old whenever I leave his presence. I'm a little surprised by his behavior, just as I was when I paddled out to be saved by him & instead of swimming out to get me like he does with anyone else, he seemed stressed & unhappily paced on the shoreline.

Isn't that weird? Maybe I should continue putting him in uncomfortable situations so he can learn to cope or maybe that would be mean as this is a totally normal stage...

Ah, kids.

LeahO

p.s. I say co-dependence because I worry about him at times others find silly too.

 

[Bucephalus]

Leah, did you have your baby, yet? I wonder if that's not a huge part of Ben's need to over-protect you? Others have posted about a change in their Newf's during pregnancy. I will also say that Bo is generally more protective of me than of Mike, maybe just because I'm a woman? I wouldn't worry about it too much. Just keep encouraging him to relax. Soon enough he'll probably redirect his attentions onto the baby

Here's the previous link on pregnancy and Newf behavior: http://www.newf.net/Forums/showthread.php?t=101702&highlight=pregnancy

 

[YorkvilleNewfie]

My girl gets worried about me too. Especially when I go into the basement or the bathroom, for some strange reason. The pacing, the sad faces, the staring forlornly into the distance, the soft whimpering. She also pines for me when I leave her downstairs to go upstairs; and she isn't even a particularly affectionate Newf! But I wouldn't call it bad anxiety, and what you're describing...I wouldn't call it that either. He's just attached to you, very probably much more than he is your hubby I'd get worried if he started destroying your house or car when you leave him behind. THAT is an unhealthy anxiety level!

 

[ardeagold]

It does get better. Cole used to have a fit if I left him in the car just to get out and put gas in it...and he could SEE me through the window.

Finally...after he hit about 2.5 and with him going a LOT of places with me when I'd hop in and out of the car, to run into a store for a few minutes, he doesn't care anymore. But he's still happy to see me when I get in. It's like I've been gone a year.

He's also protective of me if strange men try to approach me (to see him). He'll block my body sideways, in front, until we assess the man. Once everything seems to be okay, he'll relax and let the man pet him but he still doesn't want the man too close to me. He's not like that when he's out with Jacques at all.

He also used to throw a FIT if I left in "his" car (the SUV) to go to the store or something. Didn't care about me leaving the house in my car. We traveled a lot to shows together, and he thought (and still does) that I was going to a show without him if I went in that vehicle.

Also if I get up early to go somewhere, he still gets anxious and barks and cries...because I don't get up early normally...that was for shows.

So yes, and no. He's learned to make adjustments. He knows I'll come back if I go in a store. He doesn't bark and throw a fit in the vehicle anymore. He doesn't care if I go somewhere in my car...but still gets briefly anxious if it's his car. And if I pack and go somewhere in his car...OMG...he will NOT leave me alone, and if I go without him, he cries for hours.

For him...it's about shows, more than me. He LOVES going to dog shows. It used to be he hated me leaving him at all. Now he's fine with most situations and is fine if I leave him home for my regular trips out to the store, etc. He is still not happy if I leave him in a hotel room for 5 minutes. So he has to come with me, everywhere. OR, I can put him in the SUV to run out and get food or something. As long as it's cool enough, that's what I do.

He has never destroyed anything. He was too busy whining and crying and looking out the window.

So...you do have to get him used to different situations. They CAN read you and know what you're doing. He'll learn when he can go, can't go, and most importantly, he'll know you're going to come back.

 

[mrsnamsherf]

When I got my Sam, he was anxious when I would leave him. Someone told me to give him a treat when I leave, so I do. Right before I go out the door. He loves it. "Oh, you're leaving? I'm ready for my treat." As soon as I put up the baby gate, he goes to his carpet to await his treat.

Now he just chills out in the front room by himself and waits for me to come back, no drooling/pacing/crying, just sleeping. But he won't hang out with my husband while I am gone.

In the car, he just waits, unless I am getting out without him at a place he usually is allowed to get out...then he barks and fusses...but that's just a fit, not anxiety!

Marie

 

[Pam G]

Our youngest boy, Cash has some anxiety issues. Nothing to serious, but he does not like to be left alone. He's fine if another dog is with him..but gets stressed if all alone. He was like this when he was young too. He would be fine in the crate..IF he could see me. But if I left the room, he would cry, bark and dig at the gate trying to get out.
He is alway VERY HAPPY to see me when I come home. It can be 1/2 hr or 5 hrs and I get the same greeting..as if I've been away for a month.:tongue: He is now 3 and still pretty much the same..

 

[new_2_newf]

I bet it's amplified because you are pregnant. I'm curious if he'll shift that protective instinct from you to the baby one he/she is born. Sulley likes to know where I am and likes to be reasonably close to me. If I'm sleeping, he'll move around a bit, but as soon as he hears me move, he comes to investigate what I'm up to. If we are in a new place, he checks in often and must have me in eye shot or he gets visibly upset.

The person he is most protective of is my grandmother. She has some mobility issues and he just seems to know that he can't get in her way and no one else should either. If she gets up to use the washroom or something he gets up and 'clears the path' for her. He'll push people out of the way or bark at things like a laundry basket if it's in the hall way. But he is never in her way which is interesting to watch. My grandfather's health has also been failing and he's starting to show some signs of dementia, so Sulley has started following him places when he is outside. Grandpa got turned around in the bush this fall when we were hunting and Sulley brought him back to the cabin.