Answers to
QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME!
Can you cry under water?
Sure can but the better question is can you sneeze?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
It has nothing to do with how important you are. It has to do with how much of a power hungry political asshole you are! There is a test online somewhere.
Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?
Fees!
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Come on….. You don’t know this one??? Every organization requires a uniform………….. Can you say Birthday Suit?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
Cause there is no such thing as a round box! Its an oxymoron, Get a clue!
What disease did cured ham actually have?
It wasn’t a disease, it was a physiological disorder, daaaahh!
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
That’s where the idea came from - the moon walks!
Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?
Why is it that that you assume “slept like a baby” means they slept well?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Didn’t you see that movie “I hear dead people”?
If we can hear them, they can hear us so that’s why it’s still called a hearing!
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Cause your not actually in the TV silly. You still look behind it don’t you?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Cause the pretty girls wont know you are looking!
Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway.
They leave the room?
Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?
Its 2 for 1 thing
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Dogs eat anything, Thats why!
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
Who cares. Should you be off to your Lipo appointment?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
No Duct tape!
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!
Goofy has Viagra!
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
Ever heard of mail order Credit Card fraud?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
Tiny oil molecules that aren’t quite grown up!
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
No. And it doesn’t come from morons like you that ask questions like that!
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Ever heard of dual purpose, jeeze you had to ask that?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Tricky aren’t you?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
It’s a politically correct thing - What person with too much junk in the trunk wants to go to the Doc and be insulted by hearing “Well you sure do have a big Asteroid back there!”
QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME!
Can you cry under water?
Sure can but the better question is can you sneeze?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
It has nothing to do with how important you are. It has to do with how much of a power hungry political asshole you are! There is a test online somewhere.
Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?
Fees!
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Come on….. You don’t know this one??? Every organization requires a uniform………….. Can you say Birthday Suit?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
Cause there is no such thing as a round box! Its an oxymoron, Get a clue!
What disease did cured ham actually have?
It wasn’t a disease, it was a physiological disorder, daaaahh!
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
That’s where the idea came from - the moon walks!
Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?
Why is it that that you assume “slept like a baby” means they slept well?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Didn’t you see that movie “I hear dead people”?
If we can hear them, they can hear us so that’s why it’s still called a hearing!
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Cause your not actually in the TV silly. You still look behind it don’t you?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Cause the pretty girls wont know you are looking!
Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway.
They leave the room?
Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?
Its 2 for 1 thing
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Dogs eat anything, Thats why!
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
Who cares. Should you be off to your Lipo appointment?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
No Duct tape!
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!
Goofy has Viagra!
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
Ever heard of mail order Credit Card fraud?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
Tiny oil molecules that aren’t quite grown up!
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
No. And it doesn’t come from morons like you that ask questions like that!
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Ever heard of dual purpose, jeeze you had to ask that?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Tricky aren’t you?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
It’s a politically correct thing - What person with too much junk in the trunk wants to go to the Doc and be insulted by hearing “Well you sure do have a big Asteroid back there!”
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