OodlesOfNoodles
New member
Hi all,
I'm hoping someone has some help for us, as my husband and I are feeling like we're at our wits end with this and have started to have the 'what if' discussion as to what happens if things don't get better (the thought of which makes me want to cry). Finn is just under 7 months old (and we therefore realize he's still very young), but regardless of his age, we really don't think his behaviour is normal. Or maybe it is...which is why I'm turning to you all to see if anyone has similar experiences. Sorry for it being so long!!
We know that newfs are people dogs; we knew that going into it, our breeder hammered the point home as well. But we cannot leave Finn's sight without whining, crying and barking ensuing. I'm home studying all day, so he's used to someone being there; but if I go upstairs for a minute to go to the bathroom and block him downstairs (as don't want him to use the stairs alone), he becomes very upset and will even try and get through/over the barricade to get to me. If my husband and I are outside on a walk and one of us leaves, i.e. to go into a store, the hysterics ensue again, regardless of the fact that the other person is still with him.
Most troubling for us is his inability to be left home alone for any period of time. He's crate trained and really does seem to like his crate (we started leaving the door open the other night and he still chooses to spend the whole night in it, so we don't think it's a crate issue). He's generally fine being left in there in the sense that he doesn't put up a fuss when we close the door, but anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour after we leave him in it, he starts barking and crying and pretty much doesn't stop. We know this because we give him 'alone time' almost every day in it to try and work on him being used to spending some time alone, and sometimes I'll stay downstairs and work, rather than go out (3 storey house, he's on the 3rd floor, I'm on the bottom; with a fan on him and TV in the room, I don't think it's that he hears me. Maybe it is. But the neighbours have also mentioned hearing him bark a lot so it also happens when we're not there). I start work in August and he's going to have to be left alone for a few hours every day at that point. It can't be the case that all newf owners have someone at home at all times with the dog, can it?? How do you make your dogs be ok with being left alone? It seems like he has an inability to self-sooth; as soon as he gets a little worked up, that's it and he can't stop.
We don't make a big deal of it when we leave him. He gets taken upstairs, told to go to his crate then the door is closed without the fuss of kisses and 'be a good boy'. He has toys in there, stuffed, chew and one where he has to work to get kibble out. He also has plenty of room in it and has a fan on him. Sometimes we leave right away, other times we do a few things in the room before leaving. When he's barking, we don't go to him until he stops, but that can be hours and he becomes more distraught in the mean time. We talked to our trainer who's also a behaviourist and she suggested trying to increase his tolerance to it, i.e. by trying to get back to him before he starts freaking out, taking him out for a few minutes for cuddles and some training, and then putting him back in again for variable periods, but that hasn't worked either. He's very unpredictable as to how long he'll be ok for, so either we miss the window, or when we put him back in the crying starts. If we absolutely exhaust him before putting him in, we can usually get a little bit longer, but that's not always feasible and it's not something we want to have to do every day for the rest of his life (we're meaning around 2 hours of exercise/play before putting him in, which there just won't be time for before work). We live in the city and we know our neighbours hear him, which is very problematic. We've also practiced the leaving situations while out on walks, taking turns walking away from him out of sight and coming back. That has worked a bit, but the issue is still definitely there.
Our biggest concern really is not being able to leave him alone. Trying to go out to the grocery store for 30 minutes has become a source of stress for me, as I know there's a good chance he'll freak out, which upsets us, him and my neighbours. We just can't have this happening, especially, as I said, because we have a set time in a few months where he will 100% have to be alone for a few hours. Has anyone dealt with this and gotten the problem fixed? How did your dog become ok with being left alone when you go to work? We do love him, and he's a great dog in many respects; I hate to admit it but we also feel some animosity towards him due to this issue. Compounded with the fact that he won't sleep in later than 6, so we're still tired and a bit cranky at that, it's not a very happy household right now, which isn't good for us or for him.
I'm hoping someone has some help for us, as my husband and I are feeling like we're at our wits end with this and have started to have the 'what if' discussion as to what happens if things don't get better (the thought of which makes me want to cry). Finn is just under 7 months old (and we therefore realize he's still very young), but regardless of his age, we really don't think his behaviour is normal. Or maybe it is...which is why I'm turning to you all to see if anyone has similar experiences. Sorry for it being so long!!
We know that newfs are people dogs; we knew that going into it, our breeder hammered the point home as well. But we cannot leave Finn's sight without whining, crying and barking ensuing. I'm home studying all day, so he's used to someone being there; but if I go upstairs for a minute to go to the bathroom and block him downstairs (as don't want him to use the stairs alone), he becomes very upset and will even try and get through/over the barricade to get to me. If my husband and I are outside on a walk and one of us leaves, i.e. to go into a store, the hysterics ensue again, regardless of the fact that the other person is still with him.
Most troubling for us is his inability to be left home alone for any period of time. He's crate trained and really does seem to like his crate (we started leaving the door open the other night and he still chooses to spend the whole night in it, so we don't think it's a crate issue). He's generally fine being left in there in the sense that he doesn't put up a fuss when we close the door, but anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour after we leave him in it, he starts barking and crying and pretty much doesn't stop. We know this because we give him 'alone time' almost every day in it to try and work on him being used to spending some time alone, and sometimes I'll stay downstairs and work, rather than go out (3 storey house, he's on the 3rd floor, I'm on the bottom; with a fan on him and TV in the room, I don't think it's that he hears me. Maybe it is. But the neighbours have also mentioned hearing him bark a lot so it also happens when we're not there). I start work in August and he's going to have to be left alone for a few hours every day at that point. It can't be the case that all newf owners have someone at home at all times with the dog, can it?? How do you make your dogs be ok with being left alone? It seems like he has an inability to self-sooth; as soon as he gets a little worked up, that's it and he can't stop.
We don't make a big deal of it when we leave him. He gets taken upstairs, told to go to his crate then the door is closed without the fuss of kisses and 'be a good boy'. He has toys in there, stuffed, chew and one where he has to work to get kibble out. He also has plenty of room in it and has a fan on him. Sometimes we leave right away, other times we do a few things in the room before leaving. When he's barking, we don't go to him until he stops, but that can be hours and he becomes more distraught in the mean time. We talked to our trainer who's also a behaviourist and she suggested trying to increase his tolerance to it, i.e. by trying to get back to him before he starts freaking out, taking him out for a few minutes for cuddles and some training, and then putting him back in again for variable periods, but that hasn't worked either. He's very unpredictable as to how long he'll be ok for, so either we miss the window, or when we put him back in the crying starts. If we absolutely exhaust him before putting him in, we can usually get a little bit longer, but that's not always feasible and it's not something we want to have to do every day for the rest of his life (we're meaning around 2 hours of exercise/play before putting him in, which there just won't be time for before work). We live in the city and we know our neighbours hear him, which is very problematic. We've also practiced the leaving situations while out on walks, taking turns walking away from him out of sight and coming back. That has worked a bit, but the issue is still definitely there.
Our biggest concern really is not being able to leave him alone. Trying to go out to the grocery store for 30 minutes has become a source of stress for me, as I know there's a good chance he'll freak out, which upsets us, him and my neighbours. We just can't have this happening, especially, as I said, because we have a set time in a few months where he will 100% have to be alone for a few hours. Has anyone dealt with this and gotten the problem fixed? How did your dog become ok with being left alone when you go to work? We do love him, and he's a great dog in many respects; I hate to admit it but we also feel some animosity towards him due to this issue. Compounded with the fact that he won't sleep in later than 6, so we're still tired and a bit cranky at that, it's not a very happy household right now, which isn't good for us or for him.
